North Carolina Representative Introduces Bill Criminalizing Nipple Exposure Because Nipples Are Destroying America

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shutterstock_107138048We have so many problems in this country. People are unemployed. Gun violence is rampant. Monsanto is poisoning all of our children. Oh, and the nipples. If I could think of the one thing that is equivocally destroying America it would definitely be indecent exposure of the nipples. Thank God we have Republicans like Rep. Rayne Brown of North Carolina, diligently working to criminalize nipple exposure.

She was apparently prompted to begin her crusade by Ashville’s second annual topless protest and woman’s rally for equality this past August. The rally actually had a very disappointing turnout, according to organizers. I think it’s important to mention that of the hundreds in attendance only about a dozen actually bared nipple. I think it’s also important to mention that Asheville is 130 miles from Brown’s district. From The Huffington Post:

The proposed legislation, House Bill 34, would make it a Class H felony to expose “external organs of sex and of excretion, including the nipple, or any portion of the areola, of the human female breast.”

The AP reports that, depending on the intent of the exposure, women could face up to six months in prison for an errant areola, with “more mundane” exposure resulting in a 30-day sentence. There is an exemption for breastfeeding.

A Class H felony. HB 34 would give law enforcement the authority to make arrests. So exposing a nipple would be in the same classification as such crimes as embezzlement, domestic abuse of elder adults, fraudulently setting fire to houses, false bomb threats and larceny. That makes sense.

Jesus lady, do you need a hobby? I’m sure there are plenty of other worthwhile causes to be spending your taxpayer-funded salary supporting. Twelve women exposing nipples at a sparsely attended rally for equality hardly qualifies as a nuisance that demands legislation. I should point out that there is an exemption for breastfeeding mothers. But if this stupid bill is passed, I wonder how long it will be before people like Brown are accusing mothers of showing their nipples for too long or not covering up enough while feeding.

I’ve seen bigger boobs on large men cruising the shoreline in summer than most women I know. This whole thing is stupid. “External organs of sex and excretion?” Nipples “excrete” food, okay? They are only sexual if we sexualize them. What happens if a woman is wearing a thin t-shirt? What if her nipples get hard – can she be arrested for that? Are we going to start legislating bra-wearing? This bill is blatant b.s. and should disappear, immediately.

(photo: mast3r/