18 Totally Inappropriate Movies You Loved as a Kid (and Still Love!)
My parents had some … questionable boundaries when it came to which movies I was allowed to watch as a kid. If it was on, it was fine! My brother’s favorite movie when he was around 4 was Predator. And I have memories of waking up super early on weekends, pouring myself some cereal, and sitting down to watch Lethal Weapon when I was probably 8. Obviously, those movies were not made for kids. But plenty of inappropriate kids movies do exist! And the 80s and 90s were chock full of them. I genuinely love every movie on this list, and can’t wait to share them with my own kids. Just maybe when they’re a little older than I was when I saw them for the first time.
1. Inappropriate kids movies might have been made for kids, but yikes. Some of them are responsible for therapy bills, I’m sure. Take Return to Oz (1985), for example.
https://www.instagram.com/p/5PQNn5rT-6/?tagged=returntooz
Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we? There’s electroshock therapy (ON CHILDREN), talking dismembered heads, a weird rock guy who tries to eat Jack Pumpkinhead (and dies when Bellina the chicken finally lays an egg into his mouth). And don’t even get me started on those fucking Wheelies. This movie is eleventy kinds of fucked up, and it is glorious.
2. Little Monsters (1989)
https://www.instagram.com/p/_LloFsLuVB/?tagged=littlemonstersmovie
On paper, this movie seems totally fine. And it is entertaining as hell. Fred Savage plays Brian, who uncovers a world on monsters under his bed, and befriends practical joker monster Maurice. Things get really weird when Brian enters the under-the-bed world and encounters Boy, who might be the creepiest character in a kids movie I’ve ever seen.
3. The Witches (1990)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcY8PEWgkeo/?tagged=thewitches
A boy stumbles upon a witches convention, where witches learn how to dispose of children. The boy is captured and turned into a mouse and must escape and reveal their evil plan. This is rated PG, guys. Inappropriate kids movies are almost all rated PG, which is just bananas.
4. Labyrinth (1986)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BckVSldB4AY/?tagged=labyrinth
Full disclosure: this is one of my favorite movies EVER. And I credit Jareth the Goblin King for my own sexual awakening. But like, Sarah gives her little brother away to GOBLINS. And that weird scene in the mirrors between Sarah THE TEENAGER and Jareth is rife with sexual tension. I don’t blame her, but come on.
5. Gremlins (1984)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BckAx1yBtbq/?tagged=gremlins
Mogwai? Adorable. Everything else in this movie? Not so much. I apparently had completely blocked out the part about the girlfriend’s dad dying by getting stuck in the chimney on Christmas Eve, so when my oldest watched it for the first time, there were a lot of questions. Oops.
6. Song of the South (1946)
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bbad2cyBm5N/?tagged=songofthesouth
When I was a kid, my uncle was stationed with the Army in South Korea, where he was able to get a copy of Song of the South on VHS. Even at 8 or 9 years old, I could tell something about this movie was … off. Sure, the songs are cute, and the characters are jovial and friendly, exactly what you’d expect from a Disney movie. But then you start to think about what point in time the movie is supposed to have taken place, and it becomes apparent that Uncle Remus and Aunt Tempy are, more than likely, slaves who’re written to seem VERY happy. Um. As far as inappropriate kids movies go, this one is a doozy.
7. The Garbage Pail Kids (1987)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BYHq8tplg0z/?tagged=garbagepailkidsmovie
I don’t even have the words for this movie. Just, what the actual hell. Nightmare fuel. I obviously had all the cards, though.
8. Howard the Duck (1986)
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bb4PRLgF_i9/?tagged=howardtheduck
Before Howard is accidentally brought to Earth after a failed science experiment, he spent his days smoking, drinking, and reading Playduck. Rated PG, which is OUTSTANDING.
9. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcgUq4VB-fL/?tagged=rogerrabbit
This is another one that I’m stumped was ever marketed as a movie for kids. The language, the sexual innuendo, that disturbing scene with the acid. It’s bonkers.
10. Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead (1991)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BbxaGlzBkCH/?tagged=donttellmomthebabysittersdead
So, the babysitter dies, one kid breaks his leg, another kid creates an elaborate bong and smokes a ton of pot, the oldest becomes a “career woman” and steals a bunch of petty cash from her employer, the kids play with guns, and they commit credit card fraud. And we LITERALLY never hear about the dead babysitter until the end of the movie. Sweet.
11. The NeverEnding Story (1984)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcflKvLnGs6/?tagged=theneverendingstory
Adding this for the Artax scene alone. Fuck this movie forever.
12. Old Yeller (1956)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcYbJAZBVNz/?tagged=oldyeller
Welp, it’s too bad you’re gonna have to KILL YOUR ONE-OF-A-KIND dog, friendo! Christ, what was WITH kids movies back then?
13. The Dark Crystal (1982)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcTRzPRgLA0/?tagged=thedarkcrystal
Kids movies used to be bleak as fuck, guys. I absolutely adore The Dark Crystal and was so excited to share it with my oldest. As we were watching it, I kept thinking to myself, what the actual fuck is happening, omg, this is going to terrify her. She made it through, but we had some long talks about murder, cannibalism, and giant robotic spiders afterward. Good times.
14. Dumbo (1941)
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bck9LDQBxF0/?tagged=dumbo
We all know the world is a tough place, but maybe we don’t need to beat small children over the head with that cruel truth. From the way Dumbo and his mama are treated to the pink elephant/LSD scene, Dumbo is definitely one of the darker animated movies Disney has put out.
15. Bambi (1942)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BclMQu2FmVV/?tagged=bambi
Well, this isn’t so bad! It’s actually rather sweet! Lookit that sweet little guy, trying to walk, and look at his doting mama CRACK! Um. Oh. Well then. Disney really loves to kill parents off.
16. Beetlejuice (1988)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcgsQt0njrX/?tagged=beetlejuice
It’s all fun and games until Beetlejuice dances into the titty bar. (My kids freaking love this movie, I don’t even care.)
17. Watership Down (1978)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcR3wcwhRlF/?tagged=watershipdown
FUCKING WHY THOUGH. JUST WHY.
18. E.T. the Extraterrestrial (1982)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BKzy8LQBxs5/?tagged=etthemovie
OK, hear me out on this one. I LOVE E.T. Buuuuuuuut, guys. The mom has an actual alien living in her home for like a week and has no idea. Her kids are left alone for hours a day, one not much older than a toddler, and it’s fine! It’s fine. Everything is FINE. And I’m sorry, that scene in the tent, when E.T. is dying so Elliot can live? Big ol’ beer can of NO FUCKING THANK YOU.