Iâ€™m Losing My Mind While Sleep Training My AP Toddler
7/22 Night Six
Baby finally fell asleep after a long, long, long hour of nursing â€“ from 8:30 to 9:30. She slept until about eleven, and thatâ€™s when shit really started to go down.
I nursed her back to sleep at eleven, and when she was done, I climbed into the adult bed. Just as I entered that delightful mental place where my body was completely relaxed and my thoughts were transitioning into dreams, she cried.
Reluctant, I hauled my body out of that lovely near-dream state and joined her on her mattress again. I put her back to sleep.
I crawled back into bed. WASH RINSE REPEATâ€”I entered into that near-dream state again and she cried.
Fuck it, I thought. Iâ€™m bringing her in bed with me because I canâ€™t effing do this all night.
She fell back asleep. But every time I was just settled enough to really doze off, she wanted more boob, so I had to keep semi-waking up to haul her toddler self from one side of my body to the other. Oh, and hereâ€™s a bonus! Sheâ€™s going through another biting phase, because Yay Teething, so each time we got all situated and un-mummified ourselves from the tangled covers, she decides to give my nipples a hearty CHOMP.
I donâ€™t know about you, but when someoneâ€™s trying to bite off my entire areola, I donâ€™t sleep very well.
My body and mind will only take so much. So when she falls asleep enough to carry on alone, I put her in my spot and climb out of bed. At 2:24 a.m., I went into my office and read Atlantic articles to distract myself from feeling like a total fucking failure.