I’m Losing My Mind While Sleep Training My AP Toddler

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7/22 Night Six

Baby finally fell asleep after a long, long, long hour of nursing – from 8:30 to 9:30. She slept until about eleven, and that’s when shit really started to go down.

I nursed her back to sleep at eleven, and when she was done, I climbed into the adult bed. Just as I entered that delightful mental place where my body was completely relaxed and my thoughts were transitioning into dreams, she cried.

Reluctant, I hauled my body out of that lovely near-dream state and joined her on her mattress again. I put her back to sleep.

I crawled back into bed. WASH RINSE REPEAT—I entered into that near-dream state again and she cried.

Fuck it, I thought. I’m bringing her in bed with me because I can’t effing do this all night.

She fell back asleep. But every time I was just settled enough to really doze off, she wanted more boob, so I had to keep semi-waking up to haul her toddler self from one side of my body to the other. Oh, and here’s a bonus! She’s going through another biting phase, because Yay Teething, so each time we got all situated and un-mummified ourselves from the tangled covers, she decides to give my nipples a hearty CHOMP.

I don’t know about you, but when someone’s trying to bite off my entire areola, I don’t sleep very well.


My body and mind will only take so much. So when she falls asleep enough to carry on alone, I put her in my spot and climb out of bed. At 2:24 a.m., I went into my office and read Atlantic articles to distract myself from feeling like a total fucking failure.

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