Work Life Balance

Anonymous Mom: I Wish I Had Accidentally Gotten Pregnant

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accidentally pregnantAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

When I was 17, I was in love with a boy who was my entire world. He was a few years older and enlisted in the military, going off to boot camp and serving in far away places throughout his military career. Meanwhile I finished high school and enrolled in college, trying to continue my life while writing daily letters, awaiting intermittent phone calls and widely spaced visits in person. At the time, I thought that he would eventually get out of the military, return home to me and then we would finally get married and raise a family. I was too young and naive to fully grasp what that plan truly encompassed.

Eventually, after he returned home, we did live together for a while and both went to college, trying to attain goals and secure our futures. I often thought that if I became pregnant somehow during this time, even though I was using birth control, that we would get married and start a family. Maybe it would happen a little premature and unscripted, but none the less, a baby would still be part of the overall life plan for us.

Well, I never got pregnant and eventually, over time and many life experiences, we gradually fell out of love and each moved on to other lives and parted as friends.

By this time, I was finishing college and embarking on a career that would provide me with a future and stability for the rest of my working life. I was an independent person and making decisions on my own. For the next five years, I experienced relationships with men for various periods of time and eventually found a man I would marry.

We both had personal goals that we shared, so we began graduate school and continued our respective climbs up the career ladder. While I took on a position with a company upon graduation, he continued his striving for a doctoral degree and remained at the university. We lived apart for a period of time because the distance between my work and his school created such a proximity difficulty that traveling on a daily basis was impossible. But, eventually, we were able to relocate to a home that allowed me to commute daily for under an hour and him to attend the university for meetings with his advisers. He also taught classes a few days a week.

Again, I thought that if I found myself pregnant, even though I continued to use birth control, I would be a wonderful mother and manage to continue my work and take on the responsibility of raising a child.

When he finally obtained his doctorate, he surprisingly announced that he had been having an affair with his graduate assistant and wanted a divorce before heading off to teach at the university in a neighboring state.

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