My Doctor Wouldn’t Tie My Tubes Because He Said I Was Too Young — And I Have 3 Kids

two tied tubesAs I’ve mentioned before, I took the early train to motherhood and had my first child at the tender age of 19. I’ve taken quite a bit of shiz for getting such an early start, but I was young and in love and it worked for us at the time. I met my ex-husband when I was 15, we stayed together for eight years and split amicably. When I was 23 I met the love of my life and current husband and once again jumped on the baby bus to preggo town, having my second daughter at 24 and my son (lovingly called King Baby by my mother) at 26. And, with that, haters be damned, my fabulous baby-making factory was closed.

Or at least that’s what I wanted. Apparently the hospital and my OBGYN had a different idea.

When I brought the subject up with my otherwise wonderful OBGYN for the first time, I was eight months pregnant with King Baby. He listened intently as I told him about how I always wanted three kids and no more and that my husband agreed. I told him I thought long and hard about the decision, and that I wanted to get the old baby strings snipped. He sat for a moment and then was basically like ”NAWWW, ain’t gonna happen.”

Okay, he was a little more professional than that, but that’s the gist of it.  Not only was it against the policy of the hospital, but it was against his PERSONAL policy to give any woman under the age of 35 a tubal ligation (aka ”childproofing the baby shute”). Yup, even if that woman has three kids already and is positive she wants to make her uterus a recreational fun-zone only.  The hospital itself said that even if I found a doctor willing to do the procedure, I would have to wait until age 30 to have it done there.

The worst part of this was the condescending lectures that I received from the various people I spoke to. Don’t get me wrong, I understood their intentions when I was still pregnant and hormonal. Perhaps I wasn’t in the best position to make a decision at that moment. But this went on well after I gave birth. As if I wasn’t the best person to make that decision. And boy did I hear some fucked up shit.

”What if you change your mind?”

First off, I want to point out that I am not a woman of wealth and leisure, and I don’t think I need to tell Mommyish readers that having even ONE child is expensive as hell. So yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna be springing to have more kids any time soon (as in EVER). Three college funds is enough ambition for me.

”You don’t know how you’ll feel in 10 years!”

Yes, I know exactly how I will feel. Awesome. In 10 years (from now) I will have three teenagers who will be driving me bananas. I think adding a screaming baby to the mix will be the last freaking thing on my mind. But thanks for that!

”What about your biological clock?”

I think having three kids before the age of 30 more than satisfied the old baby cuckoo clock.

And my all time favorite”¦

”What if one if your kids dies? You won’t be able to replace them!”

What the ACTUAL fuck? This is a legit question that someone (not a healthcare professional, a friend) asked me when I told them I was hoping to get my tubes tied. I was at a loss for words. Do people really think like this?

Some of these arguments I get (sorta). In a 2012 piece in Slate, Brian Lowder pointed out that a Collaborative Review of Sterilization (CREST) study showed that around 20 percent of women who received a tubal ligation before the age of 30 said they later regretted it. That number drops to 13 percent after the age of 30.

I also understand that doctors want to make sure their patients are informed. But there is a HUGE difference between a 26-year-old with no kids and one with three little bundles of noise and poopy diapers. And getting your tubes tied ain’t too fun, from what I’ve read. This is just one of the MANY oh-so-reassuring comments I found over the years as I’ve researched this option:

tubes tied


There is a pretty graphic photo of this here. Click at your own risk (and not while eating lunch). But that’s my point. I did my research. I’m pretty sure I know as much as any layman can possibly know about the old female snippy snip. And guess what? I STILL want one! I was an adult at 26 when I started asking for a tubal ligation and I am still an adult! Imagine that!

At this point, if I regret my decision at 39 it’s no one’s business but my own. I could hardly sue (which is a huge concern many physicians and hospitals have, understandably). I have three kids and I repeatedly asked for the procedure.

What it comes down it is that it’s sterilization, not a tramp stamp. I’m a big girl now, so can I please just have my tubes tied?

(Photo:  Enokson)

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