10 Things I Did Not Believe Until I Became A Mom

I know that in my pregnant reverie, I hated nothing more than experienced moms “telling me how it is” and raining on my parade. I also became convinced that so many of them were trumping up how difficult certain parts of parenthood were and thought that they either sucked at being a mom or were lying to torture me in my innocence. Boy, did I get mine when I discovered that nearly everything they told me was true and possibly, in some instances, downplayed. Without a doubt, there are many things about parenting that I did not believe until I became a mom:

1. Just How Little Sleep You Will Get

Our first baby was a good sleeper but even that one nightly feeding was tough for me because I do not fall back to sleep easily. My second child made me truly realize just how little sleep a person can survive on. It was worse than all of the nightmare tales I had been told combined.

2. That Finding Time To Shower Is Hard

Now, I always DID find time to shower because I’m worth it, dammit, but there were days where it was not easy. When my little guy wanted nothing more than to be held but I smelled like a garden salad and needed a scrub, I would have to listen to a solid eight minutes of him in the bouncy seat shrieking like I was pouring acid on his face. Some days, that sacrifice was not worth it and I would just wait until my husband got home to shower. Me- 3, Baby- 4823.

3. The Suckiness Of Kiddie TV Shows

Caillou, Dora, Mickey Mouse and the rest can truly suck it. Moms are right- kiddie TV is truly the worst. I have found very few shows over the years that don’t make me want to run out my front door screaming and now that my kids are older, it’s getting worse. “Jessie”, anyone?

4. How Often You Will Eat Your Food Cold

This one was tough to concede to because it was my sister-in-law saying it and she was SUCH a damn know-it-all and I wanted so badly to prove her wrong. In the end, my husband and I found that eating in shifts was a great way to avoid this pitfall but on certain days, you simply give no shits and eat that cold mac and cheese anyway.

5. How Often You Will Play Referee To Your Kids

I lied- this one came from my sister-in-law too. She has three boys and would lose her damn mind if we bought them different things for holidays because they would fight over it. She would beg us to buy them all the same thing and I would roll my eyes for days so, SIL- I get it now. You win. My kids only ever get the same color lolli-pop and the same size piece of cake because I quite simply cannot even with breaking up the stupid fights.

6. How Much Money Kids Cost

I thought to myself that the moms who whined about the cost of their kids must totally suck at budgeting because, hello, besides diapers and formula, how much could one little person cost? That may be true but once they get older, all bets are off. They grow out of and ruin clothes at an amazing clip, they eat as much as grown adults and the sports and music lessons cost a small fortune. I want my money back, children!

7. Post-Partum Hair Loss

Trolling new baby message boards when I was pregnant, I came across so many posts about post-partum hair loss and how these moms could not believe how much hair they were losing. I chuckled haughtily and ran my hands through my thick mane thinking they must just have unhealthy diets or whatever. I ate my words the day our Dyson clogged and my husband spent half an hour cutting my lost hair out of the spinners. Oh, and when I went to wash my hair and my hand came away with enough to knit myself a hairy potholder.

8. How Much It Sucks To Be Heavily Pregnant

My first pregnancy, although full of fear, was not bad at all physically until the very end. I had heard about how terrible it is to have your feet hurt, your stomach itching from stretch marks and your fingers so swollen you can’t wear your wedding rings but I never bought into it until it happened to me. My crotch hurt so bad I felt like someone had spent hours punching me in the babymaker. I’m sorry I doubted you, moms! My throbbing groin in 2009 totally convinced me!

9. The Way You Will Want To Hurt People Who Hurt Your Child

I will never forget the irrational anger I felt toward a boy in my son’s 3-year old daycare class after he pushed my little dude into a book shelf and gave him a gash on his forehead. Obviously, I never acted on it but that broiling inner rage toward anyone who hurts your child is a very real thing that I could not understand until I had been there.

10. How Helplessly You Will Love Them, No Matter What

Cheesy, but true. When I kiss my kids goodnight, if I think about it hard enough, I could positively cry with happiness. No matter what they do, they are amazing to me and I literally burst with motherly pride. This was one I am very happy to report was not an exaggeration.

(Image: Evgeny Atamanenko/Shutterstock)

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