Now That I Have An ‘Easy Baby,’ I Finally Understand All Of You Smug Mothers

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baby angelWhen I first started writing about my experiences with motherhood, I thought I was just spewing forth a litany of truths that every mother could empathize with. Having an infant is an exhausting time-sucker that renders one unable to get out of their pj’s, brush their hair, or face the world. Right?

Well, no. It turns out I was wrong. Mothers across the land were putting me in my place:

I find articles like this both tiresomely dull and dangerous, because they perpetuate this god awful myth that mother=martyr and that if a woman doesn’t turn 100% of her life over to her child, then she’s a horrible, selfish woman who should never have had a baby.

Well, shit, I must be doing it wrong then. Because after we got over the sleepless hell that is the newborn phase, it turns out that I still have hot meals, take daily showers, go on monthly dates with my husband, and take the time for myself to have a social life.

Can we pleas stop perpetuating the myth that life is OVER after a child is born? Yes, you will be able to go to the movies again or get your toenails painted.

Yet ANOTHER article detailing how much my life will be over and just barely worth living after I give birth. How original! And helpful for that matter! Good to know I have absolutely nothing to look forward to.

tumblr_m4h7xfxFSg1rwcc6bo1_500Imagine my dismay. There I was, thinking I was reaching out to new mothers to let them know they weren’t alone in their helpless desperation – and it turned out they weren’t helpless or desperate. Not only that, they were getting pedicures and going to movies and taking long showers. What the hell? What was going on in my house? I was convinced all of these women were just a bunch of smug liars.

Until about three weeks ago, when I had my second child.

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