Anonymous Mom: I Had A Child With A Pedophile

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empty playgroundAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

I met Jacob when I started attending a day clinic for people in my community with mental health issues. It was primarily designed for people, like myself, who had been out of work for long enough that they needed help with retraining. It was also a place for those who would never be able to work, to be able to socialize.

They had a cafeteria of sorts, where the clients would run the kitchen, make lunch for the others, and a counter where they would make coffee, lemonade, and sell candies.

I started running the cash register at the counter, and because I had previous work experience, I was able to teach some of the others. It was fun. It wasn’t stressful like “real life,” but it was challenging and a good place for me to be.

Jacob was a flirt, and I hadn’t been flirted with in a long time. He would always stand around the cash register, tell me how cute I was, and ask what I was doing later. He wasn’t the only guy doing it, because I was fresh meat and one of the youngest people there at 25. Looking back on it now, his flirting was so awful, but I was lonely and I drank it up.

At some point, he got to me enough that I came over to his apartment one weekend. We spent maybe two hours together, having ultimately uninteresting sex, and then I left. What I remember the most is that his place reeked of incense.

It was nearly two months later that I found out I was pregnant. I was so in denial that even as I was looking at the pee stick, I was mentally thinking how it had to be a mistake, I must have done it wrong.

I had been seeing someone shortly before I was with Jacob, so naturally I assumed the baby was that guy’s. After all, when we were together, we were together nearly every night. With Jacob it was literally just one time. Birth control for both parties was used each and every time, with both guys.

Because I’m a big girl, I didn’t have to tell anybody at the day clinic for a while. When I did tell them, and when Jacob asked about it, I said I had a boyfriend and the baby was his. In my mind, this was true. I really didn’t think the baby was Jacob’s.

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