I Feel So Much Pressure To Have A Boy

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gender of babyWe can all agree that first and foremost we want a healthy baby. However, can we also agree that gender is also important? I thrive on pressure – including deadlines – but when it came to the pressure I felt to have a boy, it was overwhelming and actually kept me up at night.

I can’t even guesstimate how many times I told my fiancé, “Well, it’s your sperm that makes the baby,” while we waited to find out the gender of our baby. The thing is, he really wanted a boy. He has two girls already, and I have a daughter, and then there’s me, and, boy, let me tell you, that’s a lot of estrogen in one room. When we go out for dinner, my poor fiancé has to wait until all of us are showered, dressed and our hair is done.

In my house, you can’t walk two steps without stepping on a hair elastic and, at his place, though he is practically bald, there are more brushes because of us gals (all with long hair) than can be found at a hair salon. There is also a lot of girlie underwear everywhere and a lot of talk about boys. In less than five years, in our house, there will be four of us “women” having our period and, who knows, we could all have it at the same time and as a woman I can even say, “Um, yeah. That’s so not going to be fun for you!”

Yes, my poor fiancé needs a boy, even though he is pretty good at waiting around for us while we get manicures or try on clothes. But the pressure to have a boy wasn’t just from him. It was also from our kids. All of them – ALL OF THEM – wanted me to have a boy. I suppose, between the three of them, they thought having a boy would be kind of a novelty. They had already done the sister thing. And so the buying spree began. His daughters would pick out sleepers with skulls and crossbones. They bought a baby hat with motorcycles on it. My fiancé has picked out shirts with only numbers on it and sports themes (“Daddy’s Little Kicker!”). This all before I even found out the gender. [tagbox tag=”gender”]

I kept telling everyone, “Stop pressuring me!” Because I couldn’t take it. To have one person be disappointed in me is hard enough. To have four people counting on me to pop out a baby with a penis was killing me. I kept saying to my fiancé, “But if we have a little girl, then you’ll be king of the castle.” To which he’d reply, “We need a little boy around here.” Or I’d say, “But we already have girls, so we know what to do. I don’t know what to do with a little penis and neither do you!” To which he’d reply, “We need a little boy around here.” Or I’d say, “Are you going to break up with me if I have a girl?” To which he’d reply, “We need a little boy around here.”

On the day of my sonogram, where I’d get to find out the gender, I was literally shaking. The odds were not in my favor. I had a 50-50 shot on “winning,” which is how I came to see it. But the truth was, I was the only one who would have been thrilled with another girl. But I also kind of grew to really want a boy, because of everyone else wanting me to have a boy.

Of course, when we went in and I asked for the sex, the technician told me she had to give the results to my obstetrician first. I get that she was just doing her job, but I sat up, practically grabbing onto her lab coat and said, “You don’t understand. I need to know right now! We have three girls and my boyfriend needs to know.” (I threw in some tears for good measure.) “Just nod if it’s a boy. You don’t have to say anything. I’m just going to say, ‘It’s a boy, right?’ and then you nod!” She ended up being pretty nice and did what I asked.

When my boyfriend-turned-fiancé was allowed in the room, I told him the news. You want to make a grown man cry? Well, you want to make a grown man who is already living most days with four females cry? Tell him you’re having…a boy! Yes, my fiancé wept a little and would later tell me that he cried three times that day.

Even though I really had nothing to do with the gender, I’m using it as much as I can. Don’t even ask me how many times, when I’ve wanted my fiancé to do something for me, have I said, “I’m carrying YOUR son!” Boy oh boy. I’m having a boy!

Did you feel pressured, one way or another, to have a certain gender?

(Photo: DenisNata/ Shutterstock)