Anonymous Mom: I Don’t Want To Be A Mombie

Anonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

During my not-so productive time after the kids went to bed, I was reading some wonderful and funny articles on Mommyish.

I may be the only person who hasn’t heard of it.  A random commenter used the term, “Mombie.” Hello, lightbulb! What a wonderful, wonderful term. Of course, it’s not new, as I confirmed on Urban Dictionary. The word, “mombie” is the by far the most fitting word for the mommies I know. And yes, I despise “mommies,” “mama bears,” and all other “mom.” flavored names. I am a mom or mother.

And although I love the word, I can’t even call the mothers I know “santimommies.” Many of them suck in their own right so that’s not the correct word. But Mombie is.

I am one of those moms. Not too old, not too young, educated (if you catch me on the right day) who has the standard 2.4 children. You’d think I’d feel comfortable when the other “mommies” at the local soccer field start in on the poopy, potty, teacher-drama, school-shopping, summer-camping, homework mommy talk. Don’t I care? Don’t I wonder? Don’t I want to commiserate?

No, I don’t. That’s it. I feel there’s always room for five to seven minutes of mommy talk. “Hey, my kid has another ear infection.” That sucks. ”Hey, are school pictures tomorrow?” ”Hey, are we getting the teacher a mug Christmas present?” All acceptable talk. Us moms have to stick together. And especially if the talk is needed by one of the moms to vent, whether it’s about a child who won’t potty train or a partner.

But the mombies, oh, the mombies. They do not want to talk about real life parenting issues. They want to has, and rehash the normal, everyday things that kids do. Or fret and fret over the smallest things. For the entire soccer practice.

No joke, I once had to listen to at least three moms discuss their daughters’ winter concert outfits for 20 minutes. OMG- It’s clothes! And from the look of all of you, they will look just wonderful. Another time we discussed the snacks the kids received at school”¦ Ugh, can’t we just talk about vodka? I’d be more interested.

The Mombies have also forgotten about the real world. Like Bravo. I love Bravo and feel the need to discuss the latest housewives episode ASAP. No, no, if you prefer your local crime drama or dancing celebrities, that’s fine, too. You might even make me a fan. And aside from television, I would love to discuss something more intelligent. I have lost the ability to read, but what amazing book have you been reading? I’m intrigued. Do you have a new workout routine? I’m motivated. A new recipe? I’m famished. Heck, what’s the newest sexual position? I’m horny (Okay, in theory… In actuality, I’m tired but would love to think I could do that move with my husband).

You get the gist. The gist is,I kinda, sorta, love being a mother but I don’t like to forget I’m a human. Not a mombie.

I spend day in and day out being a mom. Whether I’m in the car (kids are always with me) or in the bathroom (kids are always with me), I love those little moments that I can be a person, a woman”¦a human. SO, please, Mombies, realize that while we all love our children, we might all like each other more if we could talk about something else. To make ourselves feel like the cool, hip, beautiful interesting person we once were. And you never know, we might end up liking each other enough to playdate.

Send us your own Anonymous Mom submission.

(photo: Explo)