I Can’t Get Enough Of Peanut Free Mom

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My absolute favorite satirical Twitter account this summer has been @PeanutFreeMom, who describes herself as “Life Coach, Career Mom, Peanut-Free Advocate.” Every time I’ve retweeted one of her brilliantly awful parenting tips, other folks have thought them serious. And they get very mad. The tweets are perfect in that they almost sound like something your most annoying neighbor would say but just bad enough that they are — in aggregate — clearly satire.

The tweets feature her son Caleb and, of course, his nut allergy. Now, I’m a mother to a child with a — we’re told — deathly nut allergy but man if those allergy parents aren’t the most grating of the bunch, right?

It turns out that Peanut Free Mom is actually not Debra Jones-O’Brien (I love the hyphenated name and the location of “Natick”) but an anonymous dude who works with children and says he’s inspired by real things he’s heard parents say. But I don’t care. I love her anyway.

Here are a few of my favorite tweets from the past few days:

@PeanutFreeMom #followfriday @PeanutFreeMom

@PeanutFreeMom Writing a journal entry about my grandparents. I’m sad they’re gone, but like I tell Caleb, they’ll be back from St.Bart’s next Friday.

@PeanutFreeMom Don’t let your child watch any ‘Japanimation’. It has been linked to seizures and creepiness in adolescents.

Her favorite catchphrase is “Um, yeah, hi.” And I think I may have been using this phrase in real life. I must stop.

The line of the week about Peanut Free Mom, however, goes to The Cajun Boy and it’s actually about Gwyneth Paltrow:

I’m beginning to think that Gwyneth is pulling a Joaquin Phoenix on us — living her public life as some sort of elaborate piece of performance art. She’s basically the living, celebrity version of Peanut Free Mom. A caricature in every way.

See, Peanut Free Mom even makes Gwyneth seem better!