I Bred With A Juggalo

By  | 

6. Juggalos love drugs and cheap malt liquor (no, really)

The fact that you will find most Juggalos in meth country is not coincidence. Juggalos LOVE doing drugs and drinking.

juggalo with baby and PBR


The look on this baby’s face is priceless. She’s definitely thinking “What the ACTUAL fuck is this guy doing. Also, PBR sucks.” She’s a very precocious baby.

Juggalos like drugs, though thankfully not my ex. I was lucky that my ex came in late to the Juggalo game, so he wasn’t raised in a cloud of meth smoke and sticky Faygo residue. But for the most part, Juggalos like drugs like Eve Vawter likes taking down DudeBros.

Don’t believe me? Here are some real signs that were documented at various “Gathering of the Juggalo” festivals. (The gathering website reminds me of my AOL profile, circa 1997.)

lsd sign juggalo


Does that second part say quaaludes? I guess they didn’t get the memo that those don’t exist anymore. Oh well.

detroit weed


I like this sign. It’s simple, to the point and probably got the job done. This guy seems halfway intelligent, he must be the king-juggalo. Naw, they hate smart people. He was probably stoned in the parking lot.

we need drugs


Why yes you do. But not the ones you’re looking for.



I think drug-math is the only type of math Juggalos know.

So there you have it. I actual bred with one of these people (and he’s an okay guy, if you can get past the wicked clown garbage).

Tim and I eventually split up, obviously. I won’t blame it entirely on ICP or Juggalo culture, though refusing to play clown dress up and respect his music choices certainly didn’t help (and neither did him cheating on me with the girls who would, which I found out later, LOL). The relationship ran its course because we were both young and dumb and because most high school sweetheart relationships do. But hey, at least I got my daughter out of it.

Pages: 1 2 3