Things My Husband Randomly Leaves Around The House

Eve Vawter‘s post earlier this week about all the various things her kids have taken away from her got me thinking about all the random shit I do manage to find around the house. Now, mind you, these are NEVER useful or valuable things like tape or batteries. Nope. These are random things that I have absolutely no use for. And the craziest part? All this clutter is never from my kids. No, it’s all husband clutter.

Don’t get me wrong. Don is great. But his clutter is most definitely frustrating. And unlike the kid’s crap, which I expect to be in strange, random places, his stuff is baffling to me. I mean, I find it in the WEIRDEST places. My husband worked last night and came in less than an hour ago. Here are the random places I found his shit in that short amount of time.

1. Eyeglasses in the bathroom

I don’t even remember him going in here OR wearing these, but here we are.

2. Change EVERYWHERE

Don likes to empty his pockets out when he gets home, so finding a little change is understandable. But I find change literally EVERYWHERE. I once found change in the freezer after he got home from a night shift. Why can’t all the change wind up in the same place? Is this some kind of sick husband mind game? WHY?!

3. Key fobs on the couch

This is Don’s keycard for work. He is forever losing his keycards (yes, there are multiple ones) and I always find them in random spots.

4. WTF?

Yes, that is Don’s phone. On a lamp. No, that is not some kind of lamp-shaped table, it’s just a regular, old lamp in our living room. And this is the second time I’ve found his phone here. Again, WHY?!

5. His wallet in the bathroom…the OTHER bathroom

This wouldn’t be so nuts if I’d found this in the same place as the glasses, but NOPE, this is in our OTHER bathroom, on the other side of the apartment. WTF? I think he is in the midst of planning some kind of secret, husband-designed scavenger hunt meant to drive me mad. And it’s working.

6. MORE key fobs

Don’s entire “losing the keycard every single day” problem could be fixed if he attached at least one of them to his regular keys, but why on Earth would he do that when he has me to pick up after him? What am I, crazy? (Yes)

*Just to be clear, for any random MRA dudes who happen to stumble by and want to call me a bitch for jokingly complaining about my husband, he was totally on board with this post and thinks his shenanigans are hilarious*