parenting advice

Letter From A Reader: Help Me Help This Girl Get Over Her Heartache

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166561005Last night I received an email, and it wasn’t hate mail which always makes me super happy. It was from one of our readers and I have edited the email to remove anything which may compromise her identity. I considered just emailing her back and not publishing it, but then I started thinking about you guys, all of you guys, and my co-workers, especially after she used the words “smart and badass” – because that’s what this community is. So after reading what she has to say and what we all have to say, I’m hoping some of you weigh in with your own opinions.

 This may be totally unorthodox, but here goes. My boyfriend just dumped me- apparently he just doesn’t want a relationship and I’m not what he’s looking for. I’m devastated- we weren’t together long, but I thought he was the one. Needless to say, I’m devastated, to the point where I can’t even get out of bed. The reason I’m emailing you is because I kind of just need to hear from someone who is, as I said, smart and badass, that it’ll be okay. I know you’re busy with being a writer and a mom, but any advice you can offer would be appreciated.


Dear Reader:

You can do better. Now, I know I know that may be hard to believe right now when your heart is all sore and you feel bare and rejected and devastated. But here’s the thing, you don’t want anyone who doesn’t want you. Repeat after me, you don’t want anyone who doesn’t want you.

You aren’t that girl. You are the one who someone meets and looks at and feels that they are the luckiest person in the world to have found you. You are the one who they want to tell things to, and share things with, and learn and grow with. You are the one who makes them make sense. And you will have problems and fights and it will be hard, because it’s always hard, but at the end of the day it will be your hard, belonging to the both of you, and you may cry and scream and fight but you will sort it out. Because no matter what happens, or how bad shit gets, you will know that this person has your best interests at heart and is on your team. This person has your back, and you have theirs.

Smart and badass? YOU are smart and badass, and you deserve someone amazing, someone who makes you laugh, and listens to you, and who places their hand on the small of your back when you are entering a room and who calls first with their good news and who respects you and adores you and who for no reason whatsoever does stupid little things just to make you happy.

And I know it’s hard, nothing is harder than being hurt by someone you care for but I also know this, it will get easier, and when you least expect it, the person you are supposed to be with will come along. So in the meantime, you do what you gotta do. Stay in bed, cry, moon over their Facebook, cry some more, but only for a little while. Because you are smart and badass and the world needs smart and badass women out there doing things and someone is looking for you. Just for you.


I don’t have any profound advice, other than the cliché that is so true—that once you are happy and have moved past this, either by being single or with someone else, you’ll be able to look back and realize it wasn’t the right situation for you at all.

The advice that I do have is this, and it’s helped me deal with tough emotions: FEEL them and ugly cry a lot. It sounds simple, but I do this almost every night when I’m frustrated, sad, upset, etc. What can I say, I’m an emotional gal. I firmly believe that letting it all out helps you to get past it. You can do this.

– Bethany Ramos

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