during pregnancy

10 Hilarious Methods That Will Not Predict The Gender Of Your Baby

By  | 


Wouldn’t it be great to be omniscient and totally in the know about the future? Yes, that sounds like a wonderful job description. Sorry to disappoint, but I am not God. I put on my yoga pants one leg at a time, just like everyone else.

I am also very impatient, so it would help if I was God because then I would know everything. When I was pregnant, I could never even fathom being on Team Green, or Team Gender Neutral. I absolutely could not wait until the day of labor to find out if my baby was a boy or girl. I could hardly wait until the 20 week ultrasound to find out the gender, and I posted the penis results on Facebook posthaste.

I was also sucked into the black hole that is non-scientific gender prediction on the Internet. There are even a few kits that promise to help you find out the gender of your baby far, far in advance. These magical kits are much smarter than doctors with a 50/50 success rate or so, so they must be right. Right?

This is coming from an experienced pregnancy vet when I tell you not to fall for these gender prediction shenanigans. You’ll find out at the 20 week ultrasound like the rest of the expectant couples foaming at the mouth. Or, you may choose to exercise your amazing patience and wait until labor to check out your baby’s junk.

Here are 10 gender prediction methods that simply do not work, barring dumb luck:

1. IntelliGender: Based on one friend’s experience, don’t bet your life on the product results.

2. Pee In Baking Soda: Thrilling, but this was not accurate for me when carrying a boy.

[youtube_iframe id=”r6-y3iAvCW0″]

3. Pee In Drano: Peeing is always fun, but aren’t there enough pee tests during pregnancy?

4. Chinese Gender Chart: Another fail for me.

5. Early Ultrasound Assessment: Good luck finding an ultrasound tech willing to GPS your baby’s sonogram position for you.

6. Fetal Heart Rate: Fetal heart rate can be a guideline for gender but is not an absolute.

7. Gender Prediction Quiz: Sadly, most of these online quizzes were inaccurate for me.

8. Carrying Low or High: This one always confused me because I was just carrying BABY.

9. Craving Sweet For Girl, Salty For Boy: I didn’t have any notable pregnancy cravings. What does this mean?!?

10. Wedding Ring And String Test: I didn’t try this one, though it sounds very… scientific.

(Image: absfree74/Shutterstock)