10 Things That Really Piss Off Sanctimommies
I’m a total card carryin’ proud member of the Sanctimommyâ„¢ Club. Hell, I may EVEN be the president. When it comes to my own babies, I feel like I know exactly what I am doing, and I am all too happy to dole out my own version of Bad Mom Advice right here on Mommyish. I love telling people what to do with their kids, but after working here for quite a while (My anniversary is coming up!) I sort of feel like I may not technically be a real Sanctimommy, because most of my answers to questions are basically “You are doing fine, do whatever the hell you want, your kid is fine.” If I were a real Sanctimommy, I’d probably get all irate at most of you Moms out there and tell you all the time YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.
(Image: Mamablogga)
But one thing I do know, is that there are some things that are pretty much guaranteed to piss a Sanctimommy off, and have her give you her two cents (make that 50 cents) on everything you are doing to fail at being a parent. Here are 10 of ’em.
Parents Giving A Small Child Soda
Lawd forbid if a Sanctimommy catches you letting your kid sip from your beloved can of Diet Coke or slurp from your frappucino straw. We all know that soda and caffeine aren’t healthy for kids, and yet show me ONE parents who hasn’t let their kids take a swig of their pop on occasion. Yes, some parents never consume caffeine, but for those that do? I can pretty much promise a pair of under-five lips have enjoyed some, whether it be at a birthday party or a movie or when they have the hiccups and moms hands them the can.
Parents Having Guns In The House
I’m not a fan of guns. I do not like people being able to buy guns so easily. I ask parents if they keep guns in the house before my kid goes over for a playdate. But if the parents are responsible gun owners who keep their guns tightly locked up and they practice severe gun safety? It’s NOT my place to get all sanctimommy on them. I may not love guns, but I sure as hell am not going to dictate who can love them.
Parents Not Having A Strict Sleep Schedule
Mention your kid’s sleep schedule, and all the sanctimommies will be all-too happy to inform you that they have had their little darlings on a strict sleeping schedule since birth.
Parents Letting Their Kid Play Violent Video Games
Pay attention to those E For Everyone ratings Mamas because if a Sanctimommy finds out your ten year old is blasting zombies in Left For Dead than you are pretty much a terrible person who is raising a future serial killer.
Parents Giving A Kid Under Three Candy
Hell, giving a kid under five candy. No, make that giving any kid ever candy, because if sanctimommies really hate something, it’s candy. Delicious, delicious candy.
Parents Deciding The Age At Which They Get Their Child’s Ears Pierced
(Image: Dayna More/shutterstock)
I’m personally waiting to have my own daughter’s ear done when she is 13, simply because I love bribery. But take a looksee around the internet at some unsuspecting mom asking when she can get her kid’s ears pierced and you see replies like:
don’t think it makes any sense to do something like that if your baby doesn’t even know what it is. I’ve heard of situations where other siblings pull and thug on it which is really dangerous for your baby
And
To me it’s mutilating her body and since I wouldn’t circumcise her or a boy, why would I pierce her ears?
Yep, so all you moms who got your baby’s ears pierced? HORRIBLE!
Parents Letting Their Kid Play Outside… Alone
Hey Honey? The kid next door has been outside playing in his yard. Alone.
How long has he been out there?
About twenty minutes? I saw his mom go out there about twenty minutes ago, but he has been playing alone ever since. He has some toys out there. I think he is digging a hole. In their garden.
Digging?
Yeah, I know, I’m calling CPS.
Parents Taking Their Baby To An ADULT Movie
Do you know how many R rated movies my kids saw before they were even three months old? MANY. I would go on a weekday matinee when the theater was basically empty and sit in the darkened theater nursing my babies until they slept. They never made a peep. But when I share this info with other parents I usually get the total crook eye. I’m not saying you should bring a wiggly toddler into a grownup movie, or a crying baby, but when my tiny kids were basically handbags I would take them with me all the time. It’s basically one of the only times I felt I could enjoy adult time out.
Parents Practicing Extended Breastfeeding, Formula Feeding, Solid Feeding And Pacifiers Usage
Basically, if you stick something in your kid’s mouth, a sanctimommy will be all too happy to tell you it’s not the right thing. Or you are giving too much or too little of that thing. Or you should not be doing that thing in public. Or their pediatrician said to never, ever put that thing in your kid’s mouth. especially before bed. Or in order to get your kid to sleep.
Parents Who May Or May Not Be Using A Car Seat Correctly
YOU GUYS I love my job at Mommyish so much. You guys all make me laugh and everyday I look forward to spending my day with you. And on occasion, something MAGICAL happens, and it happened after the royal baby was born and my boss Koa Beck happened to notice a mess of sanctimommies were REALLY MAD at how the new royal parents strapped in their car seat. It will go down in Mommyish history as one of my all time favorite articles/comment threads ever. And I am still laughing now. So if you haven’t checked it out yet, I urge you to.
(Photo: Axel Bueckert/shutterstock)
