Are You There, Moms? Its Me, Idiot How Did You Pick Your Baby’s Name?

Okay, so at some point if I pop out a baby or a few, I’m going to have to name them something or other. As the world’s most indecisive person, I’m a horrible candidate for giving someone a name to carry for the rest of his or her natural lives.

When I was a kid, I used to get angry because my two favorite girls’ names were “taken” by my little sisters. As you can tell, I was a bit reactionary. At this point in my life, I simultaneously love every name I hear and hate every single name on earth, so I would imagine I’ll be really in for it when it comes to naming time.

There’s just so much to consider when it comes to naming. Do you go for a tribute and name after someone? What if you end up hating that person over time and then your daughter is stuck with your awful ex-best friend’s first name (actually, some version of this happened in my familymy grandmother was named after my great-grandmother’s best friend and then due to some catastrophic falling out, they re-named my grandma something different when she was a child)? What if you can and your partner can’t agree? What if you love a name but it doesn’t lend itself well to nicknames, and then your kid is stuck with some three-syllable behemoth for the rest of his or her own life? Or maybe you find a name that you both love, but it turns out to mean devil poop in some ancient language?

Talk me through itwhat was the process of picking names for your kids? Was it an easy shot or did you stress?

Are You There, Moms? It’s Me, Idiot? is an ongoing series dedicated to helping one very well-intentioned and dumb future-parent learn about the world of childrearing. Click here to see past columns. 

Photo: Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret