10 Ways Your Toddler Will Try To Kill Your New Baby
I may have made a fatal mistake because I had my kids close in age. On purpose. Now, all I have to say about that is: OOPS. In all actuality, I still donâ€™t regret my decision to have two kids back-to-back and fast-forward the baby years, but I canâ€™t deny the fact that most of my time is spent trying to keep my toddler from murdering his younger brother.
I was talking to a very close friend of mine who just had her second child, making both of her daughters two under two. After I welcomed her to the club of insane parents who want to punish themselves by having their kids close in age, she confirmed that I wasnâ€™t the only one with a murderous toddler in my house. Whew. What a relief. I gave her the only advice I knew could protect her family: Donâ€™t leave your adorable newborn on a blanket on the floor because your toddler will run up and kick her in the face! I am speaking from experience here.
Itâ€™s always wonderful to welcome a second child into the family. But unless you have a very â€œmatureâ€ toddler on your hands, you need to watch your newbornâ€™s back.
Here are 10 of the many ways your toddler may try to kill your baby when you bring him home from the hospital:
1. Kicking In The Face: We got to the point where we always kept the new baby in the living room in a Pack â€˜n Play so that my older son couldnâ€™t casually walk by and kick him in the face.
2. Slapping In The Face: Pretty similar to point #1, except this time involving hands.
3. Stepping On The Face: Again, leave your newborn in a baby gym on the floor at your own risk.
4. Choking: As my second son grew into a mobile baby, Iâ€™m ashamed to admit that more-than-a-little toddler choking happened before I had to break it up.
5. Pushing On The Ground: This still happens literally every day.
6. Hitting With Toys: Yep, this is still happening.
7. Handing Him Chokable Items: It seems like my toddler knows much more than he lets on as he slips his baby brother a highly dangerous pebble or button to put in his mouth. Evil genius.
8. Pushing Down The Stairs: The most epic incident occurred when my toddler pushed his baby brother down a flight of stairs as he was crawling up to see him. Then he promptly threw up on himselfâ€”presumably from the guilt. (FYI: My husband and I were a few feet away the entire time.)
9. Scalding With Hot Water In The Bath: Yeahhhh, my kids still donâ€™t bathe together because son #1 is all about burning son #2 with hot water from the tap.
10. Screaming Maniacally: I know that you canâ€™t murder by screaming, but sometimes it feels like it. Both of my kids still try to out-scream each other at least once a day.