How To Hide Your Newborn From Your Lesbian Lover

It’s not the first thing that came to my mind, but I suppose this mother-daughter duo’s plan wasn’t the worst in the world. Or was it?

On Monday night, Sonia Hernandez told the police that she found a baby when she was looking for a bag of cat food at the USA MiniMart and Gas Station. As you do. Here’s what she told the media that night:

“I thought she was cat food, that’s why I was looking into the bag. And then she was a baby. I just picked up the baby and kissed the baby, and I hold her in my heart and I am going to keep it.”

Turns out that wasn’t quite how things went down. See, Hernandez’s daughter Paloma Espinoza gave birth on Monday afternoon in her own home. She says she was unaware that she was pregnant and the birth was a surprise. I have to point out that those “I didn’t know I was pregnant” shows are my favorite. Anyway, Espinoza left the baby alone and went to her mother’s house. That’s when Hernandez made up the story and called 9-1-1.

Why?

Well, apparently the mother was trying to protect her daughter, who is in a relationship with another woman.

People need more confidence in their relationships. Simply tell your lesbian partner that you didn’t realize you were pregnant for the last 9 months. What’s the big deal? If there’s one thing we know, it’s that romantic partners always respond well to the news of surprise children.

In all seriousness, let’s hope this situation calms down stat. The baby is still hospitalized under observation, but is doing well. The birth mother faces charges of child abandonment and endangerment and the grandmother for interfering with a police investigation and for lying to police.

It’s also a good reminder that many states have safe haven laws that permit any mother who feels she can not properly take care of a newborn to leave the baby at a hospital or fire department or other safe haven.