Women's Issues

Adjust Your Bridezilla Expectations Before You Fire A Bridesmaid

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The how and why to fire a bridesmaid is one of those etiquette questions you hope you never have to answer. I have been a bridesmaid several times, and I totally understand how weddings can make even the kindest, best people go crazy.

Brides have a lot of stress to deal with—both externally and self-induced. I get that. I’m fortunate because the weddings I was in were mostly smooth sailing; I felt honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid. But even when things go south, it should take a lot, and I mean A LOT, before a bride makes the major decision to fire or demote a member of her bridal party.

Okay, okay, we are all well-acquainted with the modern phenomenon of the Bridezilla. Some brides are totally over-the-top and want everything their way. These same brides are quick to fire their bridesmaids or make their life a living hell if they don’t bend over backward to help create the perfect day.

These are the brides who need to think twice before firing a bridesmaid willy-nilly:

I’m new and I didn’t find a post with this issue – (I’m getting married in June 2010)I had a falling out with one of my best friend’s from college (she didn’t want to believe me when I told her that her boyfriend cheated on her…). It’s been two years and she finally emailed me one day to apologize. We met up and started talking again since then (4 months ago). A couple months ago I had a brunch at my house and I was a little tipsy on mimosas when I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She said yes, but since then she has been flaking out and blowing me off.

I’ve tried to get together with her numerous times since then, but she always has something going on – usually she’s going to dinner with a family member or working late. These seem like excuses, and she never offers a day that would work for her even when I ask. I’m finding it impossible to rekindle our friendship, since I’m trying really hard and she’s not. I don’t know if I want her to be a bridesmaid anymore, especially since I don’t think I would have asked her if I had been sober. I’m not sure how long I should wait to see if things work out with her, because I have a few other people I would love to ask. Should I fire her? How long should I wait to see if things work out? How do you fire a bridesmaid?

I can put myself in the bride’s shoes here, but the truth of the matter is that if you are going to do something as major as fire a bridesmaid, know that you’re probably going to lose a friend for life. There’s no delicate way to fire a bridesmaid, even if they aren’t acting how you expect them to.

Save your Donald Trump tirade for a truly terrible bridesmaid who deserves to be fired:

  1. I am having to make the hardest decision. This girl, she was the first one I had asked to be a bridesmaid and she literally broke down. We have been friends for quite some time and we have seen one another through some pretty rough times. Now…it’s been about 2 months that I haven’t heard from her and today is the deadline to order dresses and shoes and she has not even gone to get fitted, nor has she been in contact with me at all…
  2. This past weekend, all of my bridesmaids and I went to Las Vegas for my bachelorette party. Not all of my girls get along perfectly, so I was hoping that we weren’t going to have any problems, but I thought that everyone could probably put their own issues aside and have fun together for two nights…. So to wrap this crazy story up- she went from being in a complete rage, to uncontrollable crying, then packed her bags and took a cab to the airport. She now claims she doesn’t remember anything that happened (Total BS, by the way). After that scene, I told her that for obvious reasons, she was no longer welcome at our wedding. 

All I can say is that managing a wedding party is a complicated business. I’m glad my wedding is over and done with so that I never have to think about this. (For the record, I opted not to have bridesmaids since I had a destination wedding.)

Firing a bridesmaid will have big repercussions. If your bridesmaid doesn’t “act right,” you’re probably going to have to suck it up and deal with her in your wedding pictures because you made the mistake of asking her in the first place. If your bridesmaid sleeps with your fiancé, a dramatic firing is fair game.

(Image: djem/Shutterstock)