Jesus Freak: Church Is The Wrong Place To Husband Shop
Jesus Freak:Â I am a Christian mom who was raised in a fundamental Christian home. I have questioned my beliefs and have come to love myself and God on my own terms. I’m raising my kids the same way.Â
As a Christian in my early 20s, I was desperate to find a husband. Iâ€™m almost embarrassed to admit that, but itâ€™s the truth. At the age of 20, when most young adults are looking forward to hitting up bars as they turn 21, I was hoping that someone, anyone with slightly-godly street cred would tie me down.
In retrospect, it sounds ridiculous. But I wonder where I got it from? I was raised in a typical Christian home with a submissive mother. I was told verbatim, â€œThe husband is the head of the household, and the wife should be submissive.â€ I didnâ€™t ever question this because it was how I was raised. It was also explained to me time and again at church that this imbalance of power should honor both the husband and the wife, so it technically wasnâ€™t disrespectful to a woman.
I am not discrediting the Christian marriage model because I know it can work for some people. However, I have seen it exemplified in all of its overblown glory, where â€œbalanceâ€ fell by the wayside. On top of that, marriage was presented to me in church and in Bible College as the highest honor for a woman. Instead of spending your early 20s as a sad, single loser, you should find the right person to â€œyokeâ€ up toâ€”the person God has waiting for you.
If you think I am exaggerating, I am not. The â€œMRS degreeâ€ is a popular joke in the church culture:
It’s a joke that when men go to Bible School, they get their Bachelor’s Degree, and women get their “Mrs” degree. It just seems that a lot of Christian women get engaged by the time they graduate.
The MRS degree isnâ€™t specific to Christianity; this Mormon forum user below proudly advertises her MRS degree in her forum signature:
Female, late 20’s, BIC, MRS degree @ BYU, Temple Marriage, young kids, recently resigned, happily attending new Christian church
One â€œeye-openingâ€ post entitled How to Find a Christian Husband! provides the following advice for snagging a godly man:
If you want to know where to find the right kind of man to marry be like a fisherman. When he wants to catch fish, he goes where the fish are, the river or lake or sea. If you want to find a Christian husband, you should go to church or the youth group where Christian people meet!!
This is a complicated subject. I know that many people who found their mate in church are likely to get their feathers ruffled. While I do agree that it makes sense to â€œgo where the fish areâ€ and look for like-minded people to date, often found in church, I disagree with the pressure placed on young women to get married within a church community.