10 Reasons Tacos Are Better Than Toddlers

It’s that day again; the one where you know that all is right and good with the world. The day where you can wrap your troubles in a homemade, light-as-air flour tortilla, smother it with pico and cojita, dip it in queso and sprinkle the whole thing with cilantro, knowing that a ray of sunshine will soon poke through the darkest sky and warm your heart and tummy. That’s right. It’s Taco Tuesday.

Here in Austin, we have a serious hard on for tacos of all kinds. You can purchase them al pastor from gross-looking food trucks. You can get them from drive-thrus and know that there’s actual meat and not “meat” in them. You can eat them at a brick and mortar establishment in strange and wondrous combinations, like the “Trashy Trailer Park”, which is two fried chicken fingers with pico, queso, and this delishballs jalapeno sauce.

Tacos are better than pretty much everything, and that’s a fact. You already know that tacos are better than babies. But did you know that they’re better than toddlers, too? Of course you did. Everything is better than toddlers.

1. Both tacos and toddlers can be messy, but only one is the poo kind of messy.

2. Speaking of which, you will never have to potty train a taco.

3. If a taco starts to get on your nerves, you can just eat it. Trust me, you can not do this with toddlers.

4. Toddlers will cry if you roll them up in a delicious soft corn tortilla, tacos don’t mind this at all.

5. If there’s something you don’t like about a taco, you can just pick that part off and go about your day.

6. A taco will never scream “DO IT MYSELF!” when you try to put toppings on it.

7. It is difficult to find a taco soaked in urine. Urine-soaked toddlers are a dime a dozen.

8. A taco will never break your stuff (except your heart, when you realize there are no more tacos left). Toddlers are guaranteed to break all of the things.