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Mommyish Guide: How To Be A MILF
How To Be A MILF Tip Five: Return Your Library Books Or DVDs On TimeÂ
(Image: Domestic Anarchy)
Reading books and watching good movies are both great tips on how to be a MILF, but nothing will make you wanna F less than worrying you are accruing gigantic library overdue fees or that you have forgotten to return DVDs on time, so either return these items on time or have the person you want to F return these for you. If you are well-read and you enjoy discussing movies then the person you want to F will be happy to discuss literature and plot twists with you, and people usually want to F people they enjoy talking to. But when you are all stressed because you may be getting late fees there is a chance you won’t be in the mood to F.
Always have a place by your front door where you keep items that need to be returned, like a basket or bucket, BUT PLEASE DO NOT use the same bucket you use for cleaning your cat puke sheets or the one with the candy in it or the one with the bath tub guys, use a totally different bucket. Or just have the person you F drop them off for you, either way, you cannot be a MILF if you are worried shit is overdue.
 How To Be A MILF Tip Six: Do Not Want To Have Sex With JerksÂ
When deciding you want to learn how to be a MILF, a good question to have in mind is who exactly you want to be a MILF for. If you have a partner who already made you a Mom then chances are you want to be a MILF for them. That’s great. If you liked them enough to let them put a baby inside you or adopt a baby or become a parent with you, then hopefully they are an all-around decent person who you want to F. Hurray.
If you are single and you want to learn how to be a MILF in order to attract people, a good rule of thumb is not to F assholes. Assholes are people who are abusive or cruel or who glare at dogs you see walking down the street or who yell at waitresses and waiters and who ignore your kids when they hand them the toy telephone or who tell you that you’d be a lot prettier if you just lost 10 pounds.
You deserve to F someone who is kind and decent and charming and who makes you happy. No one should ever physically or emotionally hurt you, berate you, or make you feel bad. A very important top in how to be a MILF is not to want to F assholes. You deserve better.
How To Be A MILF Tip Seven: Have People Help You Â
(Photo: Â Â Elzbieta Sekowska/shutterstock)
It’s hard to be a MILF or want to learn how to be a MILF when you are busy being the only person who mops the floors or changes the cat litter, so have the person you want to F do their share of the cleaning and straightening up. When you are the only person doing housework and folding laundry you tend to become exhausted and it’s hard to want to F when you are falling asleep during True Blood. All the sexiest people who F a lot have people who they are F-ing helping them around the house. F someone who understands that you are a human with your own needs and these needs include not being the only person who gets on their hands and knees and scrubs the floor behind the oven. FACT.
 How To Be A MILF Tip Eight: Go On A Diet Or Don’t Go On A Diet At All
(Photo:Â runzelkorn/shutterstock)
Check with your doctor and make sure you are in good health, but a great tip for how to be a MILF is to either lose weight or don’t. MILFs can be any shape or size and it doesn’t matter. You can be a size zero MILF or a size 34 MILF. Any woman at any size can be a MILF, as long as you adhere to How To Be A MILF Rule Six as seen above. No matter how much you weigh, there is someone out there who wants to F you, whether it is your partner or not. Eat what you want, exercise as much and how you want, and as long as your doctor says you don’t have health problems you can weigh whatever you want. Keep in mind, some doctors are assholes who will make you feel bad regardless of how much or how little you weigh, so another excellent tip on how to be a MILF is to find a primary care physician who is honest with you and not an asshole.
