18 Easter Bonnets For The Child You Hate

I grew up Catholic, and if you don’t know this already, Easter is kind of a BFD to the Catholics. I’ve heard talk of it being some kind of major holiday celebrating one of the main tenets of Christianity, but when I was little, it mostly signified the fact that I could eat meat again and the end of lentil soup Sundays. Also, candy.

Of course, to get to all those sweet, sweet jellybeans and marshmallow Peeps, you had to sit through church first. To make matters worse for me, I had to sit through it in a dress. And a bonnet. Like a legit, no argument brooked plasticy hat with fake flowers and an itchy chinstrap. It was obvious to me that Big Bonnet only cares about profit and hates children, which is why such things exist.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I realized that this is still a thing people do. Of course, some bonnets are part of a larger ”Easter Bonnet Competition” racket, but some are straight outta St. Joan’s, still available on the market for torturing children.

So if there’s a child you really hate (don’t lie, we’ve all got one) you should get them one of these Easter Bonnets.

1. Donnie Darko Style:

 

2. Get This Off Of Me Before I Smack You

3.The Birdcage Veil

 

4. Whimsical as Balls:

 

5. Don’t Forget To Scar Your Son, Too:

 

 

6. Dafuq Is On My Head Right Now:

 

7. GET IT OFF GET IT OFF

 

8. Horse Blinders Make It Easy For Your Kids To Plot Revenge:

9. The Deranged Chickduck

10. Drooling With Rage:

 

11. Crocheted Bunnies Make Me Sad:

 

12. Act Right Before You Get Smacked Right, Mother.

13. Panda Lips Will Haunt Your Nightmares:

 

14. Having None Of Your Bullshit:

15. This Definitely Won’t Itch At All:

16. Hot Glued Bee Magnet:

 

17. Kill It With Fire:

18. Not For Kids BUT HOLY SHIT THAT’S A DEAD RABBIT: