18 Easter Bonnets For The Child You Hate

I grew up Catholic, and if you don’t know this already, Easter is kind of a BFD to the Catholics. I’ve heard talk of it being some kind of major holiday celebrating one of the main tenets of Christianity, but when I was little, it mostly signified the fact that I could eat meat again and the end of lentil soup Sundays. Also, candy.

Of course, to get to all those sweet, sweet jellybeans and marshmallow Peeps, you had to sit through church first. To make matters worse for me, I had to sit through it in a dress. And a bonnet. Like a legit, no argument brooked plasticy hat with fake flowers and an itchy chinstrap. It was obvious to me that Big Bonnet only cares about profit and hates children, which is why such things exist.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I realized that this is still a thing people do. Of course, some bonnets are part of a larger “Easter Bonnet Competition” racket, but some are straight outta St. Joan’s, still available on the market for torturing children.

So if there’s a child you really hate (don’t lie, we’ve all got one) you should get them one of these Easter Bonnets.

1. Donnie Darko Style:

–via Pinterest

2. Get This Off Of Me Before I Smack You

-via Etsy

3.The Birdcage Veil

-via Pinterest

4. Whimsical as Balls:

-via Pinterest

5. Don’t Forget To Scar Your Son, Too:

-via Pinterest

6. Dafuq Is On My Head Right Now:

-via Pinterest

7. GET IT OFF GET IT OFF

-via Pinterest

8. Horse Blinders Make It Easy For Your Kids To Plot Revenge:

-via Pinterest

9. The Deranged Chickduck

-via Etsy

10. Drooling With Rage:

-via Etsy

11. Crocheted Bunnies Make Me Sad:

-via Etsy

12. Act Right Before You Get Smacked Right, Mother.

-via Etsy

13. Panda Lips Will Haunt Your Nightmares:

-via Pinterest

14. Having None Of Your Bullshit:

-via Etsy

15. This Definitely Won’t Itch At All:

-via Pinterest

16. Hot Glued Bee Magnet:

-via Etsy

17. Kill It With Fire:

-via Pinterest

18. Not For Kids BUT HOLY SHIT THAT’S A DEAD RABBIT:

-via Bethbeverly