Here Come The Honey Boo Boo Porn Parodies That We Don’t Need!
Because they are on seasonal hiatus other than a few holiday specials, the Honey Boo Boo Mountain-Dew-Baby-Feeding Paper-Towel-Hoarding-One-Time-Pig-Owning clan is probably getting busy to celebrate the holidays. Or partaking in child pagentry. Or having their brand corrupted by the adult film industry. Can you guess which one it is? It is all three and you win absolutely nothing except the new knowledge that yes, Virginia, Honey Boo Boo porno parodies are a soon-to-be-thing. From The Huffington Post:
A “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” cast member may be coming to a porn DVD near you. But, it’s not Honey Boo Boo herself.
Ummmmmmm.. okay, waitaminnit. Did we really need this commentary? Because need I remind the audience, Honey Boo Boo is a 7-year-old. Making porn jokes about child porn is wrong, and stupid, and evil, and shame, shame, shame. I don’t care how distasteful you find this child or her family, you can seriously never make a joke like that again ever. Thank you. Moving on…
Recently, the star’s cousin, “Crazy” Tony Lindsey, expressed interest in starring in a hillbilly-themed porno, provided he doesn’t have to adopt a cheesy adult-film moniker
“Everybody already knows me as ‘Crazy’ Tony, so why change it?” he told TMZ.
It sounds crazy, but Lindsey may soon get his chance.
Assence Productions, a Los Angeles-based porn company, hopes Lindsey will agree to star in an X-rated spoof of the show. It’s tentatively titled, “Here Cums Honey Poon Poon.”
Producer Mike Kulich said Lindsey would be able to star in five scenes and have final choice of his onscreen partners.
“Really, any girl can be made up to look like a redneck,” Kulich told The Huffington Post. “There is ‘country porn,’ where the girls wear flannel shirts and tight jean shorts, but ‘hillbilly porn’ is more comical, so I’d think you’d play up the bucktoothed angle.”
I feel so left out that I knew so little about these genres of country-fried pornography. I don’t care if adult grownup people enjoy adult grownup pornography, but Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is a reality show based on a freaking child. And we don’t need porno parodies based on children. That’s just wrong. Plus, the Thompson family does a lot of work with anti-bullying and they have their own charity, and it was recently announced that Alana would be donating all of her toys to charity. It sort of makes me wish for the gentler days of that porno by that woman with the sea creature nickname with the 14 kids that I won’t link to here because then the post will spike again and my editor will kill me.
(photo: wenn)
