parenting advice

Honest Toddler’s Mom: Navigating Teething Hell

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-Liquid. When you twist the cap off of one of these plastic capsules you’ll notice that the medicine looks and smells like water. You just have to trust that it’s not. Squirt it into your baby’s mouth. If your child isn’t one of the thousands who enjoys unexpected drinks, you may have to repeat this process over and over until a full dose is administered.

 Other Acceptable Treatments

-Baltic Amber Necklace. Besides being undeniably fashionable, these necklaces are a must-have for modern parents in the know. I found mine on Etsy but they’re also available in the Hogwarts Gift Shop. The instructions always say to never leave your baby unattended with his necklace on so after your baby is wearing it be sure to never sleep again.

 -Topical Analgesic. This numbing agent comes in the smallest tube you’ve ever seen. Once you get over it’s cuteness, snip the top and squeeze some out on your finger. Now comes for the fun: hire a body builder to hold your infant still while you rub the gel directly on the source of their pain. Don’t worry, your child will probably repress this memory.

-Tylenol. I know we talked about no Tylenol but keep it on hand if things get realer than real. The dosage instructions are written in an extra small font designed for mouse parents so you’ll need to turn on the light and grab a magnifying glass to read them. Before squeezing the dropper into your kid’s mouth apologize to his kidneys.

-Whisky. This controversial method of teething pain relief has been used for ages so please reserve your judgment. Pour 1oz of whisky in a BPA-free container. Calmly explain to baby that there isn’t enough to go around before drinking it yourself.

Good luck.

Bumni Laditan writes the blog Honest Toddler. You can see more of her writing here.

(Image: getty images)

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