10 Things A Pregnancy Test Should Be Able Do

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From what I hear around the water cooler, we are this close to getting flying cars and hologram TVs. Back to the Future is happening, people. So why are pregnancy tests still so lame?

I find it hard to believe that scientists don’t have better things to do than research diseases and try to protect the environment. Even though I too have been watching Cosmos on the sly and am now super concerned about global warming, and I’m also concerned about why my pregnancy test was such a one trick pony.

Here’s to hoping for major scientific breakthroughs in the near future that will make all of these imaginary pregnancy test features possible:

1. Predict How Far Along You Are.

Okay, okay, I know there are now pregnancy tests that can tell you how many weeks you are past ovulation. But I want more. I want to know the exact date and time my baby was mayyyyde.

2. Predict The Due Date.

SOMEONE should have figured out how to calculate an accurate due date by now. I was eight days overdue with my first son, and “torture” was putting it lightly.

3. Predict The Gender Of Your Baby.

Seriously, this would save a lot of time and frustration while waiting for the 20 week ultrasound.

4. Predict The Baby Daddy.

Just sayin’… There are times when you may need a pregnancy test and a paternity test all in one.

5. Provide Baby Name Ideas.

This is a pretty good idea for an app bundled into a pregnant pee test, based on the gender predictor feature in #3.

6. Predict Single Or Twin Babies.

Inquiring minds need to know if you should buy a second crib RIGHT NOW.

7. Predict Baby Hair/Eye Color.

Because this is something every new parent fantasizes about. Besides, it’s annoying that a baby doesn’t develop its actual eye color until up to one year old.

8. Predict Baby Temperament.

If you’re going to have a “spirited” child, you need to prepare yourself very, very early on.

9. Choose An OB/GYN.

If a positive pregnancy test could connect directly to Yelp OB/GYN reviews, that would be GREAT.

10. Book Your First Doctor’s Appointment.

Automatic booking of your first prenatal appointment is the next logical step. Bonus points if the pregnancy test offers a free coupon for your first sonogram.

(Image: Iakov Filimonov/Shutterstock)