Stuff

It’s Okay Hilary Duff, I’m A Mom And A Smoker Too

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I managed to kick the habit during my latest pregnancy and for the past two weeks – since giving birth – I’ve had a total of three cigarettes. I don’t buy them any anymore. Why would I need to, anyway, when I have so many mommy friends who smoke? At last count, I had nine mommy friends who smoke. And I definitely don’t smoke around my children or in public.

Last week, there were three of us mothers who dropped off our kids at a singing lesson. We all had an hour to kill. A mother came up to me, one I didn’t know, and whispered, “Do you smoke?” I said “No, but I’ll come with you if you want.” (I lied because I do not like strangers to know I smoke.) So I followed these two women behind an alley, where they lit up and I looked on enviously, even though I thought I’d barf because of the stench of garbage in the alleyway. (See what Mommy Smokers have to endure just to light up and not get caught?)

The problem with mommy smokers is that while it only takes a few minutes to have a cigarette, it takes twice as long for the After Cigarette Process. This includes watching friends wash their hands and faces manically, then Purell their hands, then spray themselves with body spray, watch them suck back mints or pop in a piece of gum and take off their “smoking” sweater, which they put on to cover their clothes before they light up. They also always tie their hair back.

The point is all mothers already know that smoking is disgusting and they don’t want anyone to know they smoke (myself included). It’s a pain in the ass preparing, hiding, and doing everything in your power to not smell like smoke. But when you have paparazzi taking pics of you, it’s probably wise not to smoke in public at all.

Not that I’m judging Duff. I think she was at the wrong time and wrong place and just needs to hide her habit a bit better. I’m suggesting she does what the rest of my mommy smoker friends do, which is stop by my place and use my backyard or go into an alleyway. Because after all, Hilary Duff, you’re a new mother.

(Photo: Kuzma/Shutterstock)

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