Anonymous Mom: My Child Is Genderqueer

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HAVING A GENDERQUEER CHILD (*Fair warning, the lack of gender pronouns is probably gonna be annoying as shit, I’m used to it. So. – Via the author. )

On May 6th, 2002, I gave birth to a bouncing baby,Skylar, who was born male. My ex-husband and I named our baby Skylar Jaelin, and Skylar was perfect. At around a year, Sky started showing extreme aversions to most things that are considered male.

We thought nothing of it, but it got progressively worse. By age three, Sky wanted nothing to do with anything male. Skylar demanded dresses to wear, Skylar loved skirts and tutus, and Skylar’s favorite superhero was a Disney Princess. My ex husband hated it, he was raised in an über conservative Christian home and had very distinct views on gender roles. I, as an atheist who believed nothing of gender roles, was totally okay with letting Skylar do what Skylar wanted. I have no clue why we even got married.

At age five, Skylar seemed to switch back to the the gender he was born with. Further reinforcing my ex husband’s idea that Sky was confused, and I had wasted time and money entertaining Skylar’s ‘phase’. I didn’t care, but Skylar and I packed up Skylar’s dresses and tutus and ‘girly’ toys and we donated them to a local shelter.

Skylar identified as a boy for a year, and during that year my husband and I got a divorce because of unrelated reasons. At about six and a half, Skylar identified as a female again. I was very supportive of Skylar, but my ex husband wasn’t, he continued calling Skylar “him” and made him wear boy clothes for visits. Skylar began hating going over for visits on weekends.

At age seven and a half, Skylar sat down with me and said. “Mom, I do not want to be a girl or a boy. I just want to be Skylar.”

I was confused. I had no idea what to do. I quickly learned what being genderqueer was and I began to talk to Skylar about it. We did a lot of researching that year, and finally Skylar was confident. Skylar understood who Skylar was. Skylar identified as both male and female, and had never been happier.

Skylar is now 12 years old, Skylar is going into seventh grade in the fall, and Skylar has never been more confident.

Skylar’s dad still isn’t accepting and Skylar is still asked to dress as a male when visiting dad, which only pans out to being two weeks a year because Skylar’s dad now lives in another state with his wife and daughters. Skylar visits with my ex husband on Christmas break, and is okay with it most of the time. Thankfully, Skylar’s bonus mom is an amazing lady, who although is a Christian, supports Skylar. She has a transgender brother and is trying to get my ex-husband to understand so that Skylar will feel more comfortable in their home. Skylar’s sister loves Skylar because Skylar loves dress up and will sit still and have makeup put on. Skylar has admitted to wanting to spend more time with dad, but hates that Skylar can’t be Skylar at dad’s house.

Still, Skylar enjoys living life and has many friends who love and support.

PS. Skylar has given me 100% permission to post this, because even though this is Anonymous Mom, I don’t want to feel like I’m outing Skylar. Also here is a message from Skylar:

“I am not confused, God made me this way, I like who I am.”

(Image:  Kletr/shutterstock)