effective parenting

A Goop-y Guide To Getting Consciously Uncoupled, Chris Martin And Gwyneth Paltrow Style

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Hollywood Stands Up To Cancer Presented By The Entertainment Industry Foundation And Event Chairs Jim Toth And Reese Witherspoon Benefiting Stand Up To Cancer - InsideWhen you are worth roughly 140 million and you have properties in places like London, The Hamptons and Los Angeles, not to mention two adorable children with highly exceptional nom de plumes, you need a divorce that also reflects your prestigious and bohemian lifestyle. No ordinary divorce will do. Divorce is a difficult time for anyone, and this conscious uncoupling of two beautiful spirits needs to be treated with the dignity and elegance befitting souls who have risen to the highest ranks in the field of entertainment.

According to an article posted on the Goop website, by Dr. Habib Sadeghi & Dr. Sherry Sami, there is no salve to take the pain away. I beg to differ, because on the Goop website itself there is a salve that sells for 140 dollars that is said to be both nourishing and sustainably sourced. If you cannot slather on some salve that costs more than a weekly grocery budget your divorce is sure to be unpleasant.

(dermastore)

(dermastore)

Speaking of grocery bills, a good divorce needs a good menu. Why not use the recipe on the Goop website for raw miso soup, containing nama shoyu and two other ingredients, one of which is water? I don’t know about you guys, but nothing says a good meal for heartbreak like soybean miso paste.

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In addition to this, you probably also need a well-respected and sympathetic law firm who can handle all of the wholeness of separation you are ready to embark upon. Fiona Shackleton, who handled the divorces of Sir Paul McCartney, Madonna, the Prince of Wales and the Duke and Duchess of York, would seem like a good fit, and has been quoted as saying “A courtroom is a barbaric venue in which to pick over the carcass of a failed marriage” – perfect for a couple who wants to resist being baited into dramatic arguments, and wishes to stand firm in their internal, spiritual support system.

(Image: getty)

(Image: getty)

I think one of the most important things for Chris and Gwyenth to remember is that it has not been reported that their conscious uncoupling is due to drug addiction or domestic violence or extreme poverty, just that idea of being married to one person for life is too much pressure for anyone. With this in spirit, they can probably recover and reenergize with a trip to the Andaz Maui At Wailea. According to the Goop website, you enter on a footbridge that crosses an infinity pool to arrive at a sandpit where you’re encouraged to remove your shoes while checking in on an iPad. It’s an affordable choice, with rooms only costing 1159 USD per night for a suite. Plus,Morimoto’s there. (I have no idea what that means.)

Best of luck to Chris and Gwyenth. I hope that they have a lovely conscious uncoupling.

(Image: getty)