Sign Of The Times: Groupon Offers To Name Your Baby For $1000
I’m suddenly in love with Groupon. Not because I’ve ever purchased a deal off them but because they’re actually really freakin’ funny. The site launched a deal this week that left me howling â€“ for $1000, they’re offering to name your child “Clembough.” I know, I know, it’s ridic on all fronts. It’s also a total riot.
Here are the details:
â€œGroupon, the official Worldâ€™s Foremost Authority in Baby Namingâ„¢, will name your child or children â€˜Clembough.â€™ No substitutes or modifications. Spelling non-negotiable. Any attempt to name your child â€˜Clemboughâ€™ independent of this exclusive Groupon will be recognized by the world as a cheap imitation.â€
In case you’re wondering what makes Groupon an expert in baby names, they’re quick to point out that “Groupon” is a combination of the words “grout” and “superweapon.” Ha ha ha. Meanwhile, someone out there actually signed up for this deal, which is hilarious in and of itself.
“All too often, the importance of a child’s name takes a backseat to other ‘needs’ such as food, shelter, and clothing. Groupon, the World’s Foremost Authority in Baby Namingâ„¢, has stepped up to address this issue. Upon your child’s birth, Groupon will relieve you of the burden of naming your baby by bestowing a specially selected, custom first name upon your infant son or daughter. Purchasers will e-mail Groupon with their voucher number, and we will e-mail you back with a name for your child based on the name’s aesthetic value and for how it might look emblazoned on a trophy one dayâ€”for a child named by Groupon will grow tall and proud, and he or she will be a beacon of hope in a world that is in such desperate need of one. Don’t settle for non-Groupon-approved names such as Kevin or Bridgetâ€”let us gift your sweet child with a moniker for the ages.”
While Groupon insists the deal is real, most normal human beings know it’s a joke (I mean, really). But that’s why I get such a kick out of the prank: It says so much about our obsession with baby names and just how desperate people are to come up with something original â€“ not an easy task in 2012, that’s for sure! Of course, I’m now dying to see if “Clembough” becomes a popular baby name in, say, five years’ time. I kid you not.