When I am old, I will overline my lips and draw my eyebrows into perfect arches. I will always carry a martini glass, and I will smell like gin and Chanel No. 5. And I will challenge my children to drinking races, and I will beat them utterly, just like my new hero Elvira Montes did this weekend.
According to The Cut and Runner’s World, the Beer Mile is a classy event where competitors chug a 12-ounce beer, then run a lap on a quarter-mile track as fast as they can, then chug another beer, then run another lap. A successful runner will chug four beers and run one mile, but if you throw up, you have to run bonus laps.
81-year-old Elvira Montes says she does not even like beer–she is a scotch lady–but entered the contest at the urging of her 47-year-old daughter, whom she totally owned at the Beer Mile.
Elvira Montes drank four 12-ounce beers and ran a solid mile in 20:24, coming in a solid 50 seconds before her daughter. Her son-in-law didn’t even manage to finish the race, which is not surprising. I don’t think I could even drink 48 ounces of beer in 20 minutes, let alone do that and run a mile.
Montes was pleased at having beaten her kids at the Beer Mile and proved that she could both outrun them and drink them under the table, but she says her new goal is to enter the Beer Mile again next year and beat her time. Her goal is to clear the drinking and the running in under 20 minutes. She says she plans on training by drinking beer on the treadmill. (#LifeGoals)
”I don’t have any secrets, I just wanted to prove to my daughter that I could run and drink beer,” said Montes, whose kids celebrated her victory by taking her to Hooters for wings and scotch.
Parenting phases are all unique and different. Some people like the baby phase. Others like the toddler phase. But while tiny children are cute, there’s nothing like running past your drunk-ass adult children and smoking them at both running and drinking.
This is also a good lesson about the importance of staying active in life. Montes has been running since she was 60–so it’s not too late for any of us to get started, even though sometimes I like to think that it is. She regularly runs normal races, which keeps her in shape enough to do cool stuff like run the Beer Run and be the coolest 81-year-old grandma in the world.