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The GOOP Holiday Gift Guide – Gwyneth’s Annual Tradition Of Making The Rest Of Us Feel Poor – Is Here!

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It’s my favorite time of year, you guys – the GOOP Holiday Gift Guide is here! God, I wish this arrived at my doorstep so I could put some Target pajamas on, pour myself a glass of Two Buck Chuck, and rifle through it like the plebeian that I am.

This year, Gwyneth seems to have gotten hip to the fact that no one can afford any of the shit she recommends, so she reaches out to us Poors in her intro:

“We tried to keep as much as possible at the $100 mark, though there are some splurges on here for your nearest and dearest. Plus, a girl can always dream.”

Yes, Gwyneth. She can. Here are some of the things I’m dreaming about.

Gold Juicer, $4,739

gold-juicer

Um, is that solid gold? Because that is the only thing that would justify that ridiculous price tag. Gwyneth’s own note is, “absurd, but awesome.” Gwyneth called this “absurd.” Gwyneth.

Travel Backgammon Set, $550

travel-backgammon-set

 

Why is this $550? Anyone?

Currency Case, $285

wallet

 

A currency case. Or as the rest of humanity calls it, “a wallet.” Or, a really expensive Metro Card holder. Or a small leather thing with zippers that costs almost three hundred dollars.

Travel Set, $100

travel-set-goop

This is a travel set. Intriguing, right? It’s advertised as “having everything the frequent traveller needs.” Guess what the frequent traveller needs? Seriously, just guess. I’ll wait…

Did you guess jumprope, a slick passport cover, and a woven belt? Of course you didn’t! But that’s what’s in here.

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