For The Love Of God And Everything Holy, I Hope I Don’t Go Into Labor On Mother’s Day

shutterstock_98158664__1368285268_142.196.167.223So, I’m almost 39 weeks pregnant. I’m huge. I’m in pain. I’m really feeling like this baby is not going to hold out for her May 20th due date. If you have ever been pregnant you know what happens when you get within weeks of your due date – everyone has something to say about when the baby is coming. As luck would have it – Mother’s Day is tomorrow. Wouldn’t that just be the cutest thing? Having a baby on Mother’s Day? Um, no.

I’m one of those people that actually really likes Mother’s Day. I know it’s a Hallmark holiday – and I usually rail against those, but Mother’s Day is different. It’s hard to explain. Strangers smile at you. Everyone you interact with has something really nice to say. It’s awesome. This year, I have the double whammy of being hugely pregnant and having a toddler in tow. I’m pretty much expecting the red carpet to be rolled out wherever I go.

Is is petty that I want to milk this day? Probably. But there are few things that bring a hugely pregnant woman more joy than receiving some of the perks that come along with being hugely pregnant. Look – the last days of pregnancy are no walk in the park. The no sleep. The constant sweating. The pain. It’s kind of nice to experience some extra-added joy. If I still lived in New York, now would be the time that seats would be clearing immediately when I got on the subway. Normally rushed New Yorkers would be waiting to hold the door for me. Sorry, it’s awesome.

At the end of my first pregnancy, my husband was performing at Joe’s Pub in NYC. It was a packed standing room only house and there was one giant, plush booth in the front with a sign that said, “Reserved VIP.”The show started and I noticed it was still empty. I sat down. One of the ushers walked up to me and said, “Can I help you?” I said, “Yes! I would LOVE a glass of ice water.” He looked at me, confused. He walked away and returned minutes later with a giant glass of ice water. Perks, people! Perks!

So no, I would not like to spend this special day pushing a baby out of my vagina. She can stay put for a few more hours while I enjoy something I’ll never have again – the sympathy and kindness of strangers who can see how uncomfortable I look. I’m making a whole human. Let me bask in the glory a little.

*Just in case anyone is wondering – I’m not a huge jerk. I understand how lucky I am to be pregnant and will be writing more on this tomorrow.

(photo: Elina Manninen/ Shutterstock)

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