mom fun

With A House-full Of Women, No Wonder My Fiancé Is Totally Emasculated

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173200517Oh, GIRL do I feel for my fiancé, living with five females in the house. (Me, my daughter, his two daughters 50 per cent of the time and our nanny.)

We’re a really open family, so it was no surprise when my stepdaughter came home and said grumpily, “I got my period.” I responded back grumpily, “So did I! We’re on the same cycle!” and then we high-fived each other and popped some Advil’s together. There’s nothing like bonding with your stepdaughter having the same menstrual cycle. Soon enough, there will be five of us on the same cycle.

My fiancé, who was in the room, just rolled his eyes and said, “Great,” and was probably thinking of moving into a hotel for the next few days. Which I would totally understand. Except that would get pretty expensive each month.

Every female in our house is extremely…sensitive and female, to make a sweeping generalization. We have no fewer than 50 hairbrushes, thousands of hair elastics, bras everywhere and we talk about boys a lot.

Dinner conversations include boys, puberty, boob sizes, hairstyles and tampons. When we can’t find a hair elastic or brush – which is amazing since all of us females have long hair – it’s like a national emergency. If our hair straightner breaks, there are tears.

In fact, there is always some female crying in our house, usually over something about boys or frienemies or jealousy, especially when we have our periods and just can’t help it. And it’s just going to get worse…at least for my fiancé. My youngest stepdaughter is going through puberty. And then my daughter will too. (Although we all wear bras.)

In fact, my nanny, too, is also on the same cycle as my bonus daughter and me. I love living with so many girls. It’s like overnight camp all over again. For example, my stepdaughters boobs are bigger than mine, so she passes me her old bikini tops. My other stepdaughter asked me the other day if you still get your period when you are in water, in front of her father, who of course, had no idea. My girls borrow my shoes and clothes and ask my opinion about their outfits. One of my stepdaughter does my nails. The other does my hair.

So my poor fiancé is stuck with all of us extremely talkative girls, listening to boy troubles, watching and waiting for us to do our hair before we go out, how we need more tampons immediately, and never-ending talk of how hot Channing Tatum is.

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