mother and daughter

10 Things That Prove Little Girls Are Just As Gross As Little Boys

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Fellow moms of daughters, I think you’ll agree with me when I say that little girls are not made only of sugar and spice and everything nice. Little girls are, in fact, made with a healthy dollop of the the same boogers, belches, and farts that little boys are.

Why don’t people think that little girls are just as gross as their brothers are? Wishful thinking, maybe, or confirmation bias; I’m not sure, but you’ll see plenty of lists of things that only parents of sons will say, and much of it is focused on bodily functions, bad behavior, and big messes. My perspective of having boy-girl twins provides me a constant, in-house control group of gendered baby behavior, and it has led me to compile my own list of things that parents of boys are likely to say, which happens to be identical to my list of things that parents of girls are likely to say.

1. The diaper genie is not a Popsicle.

When does the “put everything in the mouth” stage end? Please tell me the time frame is measured in months and not years.

2. Mashed potatoes are for eating, not for styling your hair.

I like to think I’m a good cook. Both my son and my daughter apparently prefer to think that my talents lie more in my ability to provide them with copious amounts of material to apply to their hair, ears, and nose.

3. Don’t eat the grass, it’s going to make you gassy.

Some battles aren’t worth fighting, but if I have a chance to prevent angry, grass-farting babies, I will.

4. Is this shirt actually orange or are those just stains?

I don’t understand how a seventeen-pound person can spend five minutes outside and wind up covered in dirt and green splotches, or how a single meal can turn a white onesie into an orange one. Maybe the time I spent working in a lab that used radioactivity has finally caught up to me by endowing my children with the world’s least helpful superpower.

5. Get your hands out of your diaper.

The twins are going through a phase I like to call “exploration”, because that sounds cuter than “creating modern art in a very unsanitary medium.”

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