(Photo: Youtube/Dave T. Koenig)
Toddlers are hilarious. They do and say the most ridiculous things and have no idea that they are tiny, adorable bundles of absurdity. They can be infuriating, of course, but they serve as an important reminder of the absurdity of the human condition. One moment you are a young person, partying and decorating an apartment and getting drunk while watching trashy TV with all your copious free time, and the next moment you are face to face with a tiny person who is insisting despite all evidence to the contrary that he did not just eat a blue cupcake.
Dave T. Koenig was in just our shoes this week when he and his kids were driving by a promotion where blue-frosted cupcakes were being handed out in honor of the New York Giants. Somehow his three-year-old son Jack got a hold of one, because when Koenig turned around, Jack was covered in blue frosting.
Jack, however, does not for a moment even consider copping to eating the cupcake. Koenig filmed the whole interaction, which is going viral because it is pretty darn adorable.
“Hey Jack, did … did you eat a cupcake?” Koenig asks. Jack looks scandalized by the accusation.
“Nooooooo!” he says.
“You didn’t eat a cupcake?”
“No, I was at home,” says Jack, who is in a car seat and liberally smeared with blue frosting.
“Hm. I thought you maybe had a cupcake,” said Koenig, who has a pretty awesome voice and sounds like he should be voicing cartoons for a living.
“No,” said Jack, who is sticking to that lie until he is blue in the face.
Jack is adorable, and he appears to have no idea at all that he is covered in frosting. Can he not feel it on his face? Or does he think his dad can’t see it? I should stop asking questions. Delving too far into toddler logic can drive an adult quite mad.
The commenters on the video, of course, are why the phrase, “Don’t read the comments” exists. Aside from a couple funny remarks–my personal favorite being the guy ranting, “This kid is such a liar, you can clearly see the remnants of the cupcake all around his mouth, ridiculous how Im the only one noticing this.”–a disturbing number are calling out the three-year-old for being a sociopath and future politician, and still others are blaming the parent for clearly raising an entitled liberal and thus ruining America.
Jack is not a sociopath, he’s a toddler! Toddlers do this kind of thing. We all probably did this kind of thing. Raise your hand if you remember lying to your parents about having brushed your teeth as a small child. (Bonus points for anyone who actually went into the bathroom, squeezed the toothpaste tube into a different shape, and wet the toothbrush for verisimilitude, even though actually brushing would have taken less time.) Is there any good reason we did not brush our teeth?
Like many toddlers, Jack is a genius of fibbing, because he has completely committed to sticking with his lie. I am sure he will grow out of that as he gets older, but next time I need to lie about something, I am going to keep Jack in mind.
“Liz, did you drink the last of the wine?”
“But your lips are purple.”
“I think you drank the last of the wine.”
This seems like a foolproof plan to me.
Check out Jack’s whole video here: