‘Friday The 13th’ Back To School Guide Depicts Hacked Up Kids In Complete Humor Fail

In yet another satirical fail with kids à la The Onion, the website Mandatory has a off-kilter, to say the least, back to school guide in honor of the release of the Friday the 13th: The Complete Collection on Blu-ray. But to properly illustrate the LOLZ, the guide depicts children hacked to pieces in their back to school best. Just how famed killer from the Friday the 13th series, Jason Voorhees, would like to see them.

The guide, entitledJason Voorhees’s Back-To-School Fashion Guide,” is narrated by fictional Jason as he chooses his “picks” for the new school year, which includes mutilated children and weapons:

back to school friday the 13th

The copy for this particular slide reads:

As you can see, machetes are all the rage in 2013. Bury one in your skull before the bus picks you up and you’ll be sitting with the cool kids before you know it.

Other accessories, such as kitchen knives, exposed bone, and neck gashes, are HILARIOUSLY promoted as hot choices for the fall. As well as cost-saving measures:

back to school friday the 13th 2

College costs an arm and a leg. Luckily, this affordable backpack, top and cargo pant will only cost you an arm.

back to school friday the 13th 3

Nothing says “I’m not afraid to flaunt what I’ve got” like a bold-patterned T-shirt and an 18-inch machete sticking out of your new ‘do. This is your year, girl.

Our reader Rachel Sea said it best when commenting on The Onion’s failed attempt at satirizing child sex abuse:


Clearly, humor is subjective. There are some of us that will never find hacked up children, regardless of the context, laughable. But Rachel’s point holds true in that in this instance, we’re asked to laugh at the mutilated underage victims, not the lunatic yielding the weapons. So, in short, another humor fail to add to the evergrowing “KIDS” pile.

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