Free-Rage Parenting Is The Hot New Parenting Style You Need To Try
I like to consider myself a calm parent. I do my best not to yell at my kids and instead speak to them in a quiet, rational voice when they do something that displeases me. I have been practicing this gentle parenting method for many, many years and I have come to this scientific conclusion:
This shit don’t work.
This has led me to develop my brand new hot parenting style, Free-Rage Parentingâ„¢.
The fundamentals of Free-Rage Parentingâ„¢ are pretty easy to follow, and I have outlined some examples below. There are many cases where you will find Free-Rage Parentingâ„¢ is an appropriate method to use when childrearing, and when dealing with the world at large when you have children.
You Go Into The Bathroom In The Middle Of The Night And After You Pee You Realize Your Kids Have Used All The Toilet Paper On The Roll And From The Toilet Paper Holder And Not Replaced It Even Though You Know For A Fact You Have Two Economy Packs Of Toilet Paper Just Sitting In Your Garage
Your Mother-In-Law Is Visiting And Even Though You Made Your Kid A Healthy Lunch If You Leave The Room For Two Seconds You Return To Find Your Kid Eating A Popsicle And Your MIL Says ‘They Didn’t Like What You Made Them.’
No Matter How Many Times You Tell The Kids To Take The Dog Out, They Ignore You Until He Takes A Dump On Your Living Room Rug
You Are Obviously The Only Human Who Can Tell When The Dishes Are Clean Because Instead Of Putting The Clean Dishes Away Your Kid Puts Their Dirty Cereal Bowl On Top Of The Clean Dishes So Milk Drips All Over Them
You Are Struggling To Open A Door With A Newborn In A Stroller And A Toddler In Tow And Some Guy, Instead Of Opening The Door, Tells You To ‘Smile’
When Out Shopping, Your Baby Has A Death Diaper And You Go Into The Bathroom To Change Them And As Soon As You Have Them Partially Undressed You Realize That Someone Forgot To Restock The Diaper Bag
One Of Your Kids Deletes The Episodes Of Game Of Thrones From The DVR That You Haven’t Had Time To Watch Yet Because They ‘Needed To Make Room For Too Cute‘
Your Sister-In-Law Asks You Why You’re Toddler Isn’t Talking Yet Because Her Kid Was Talking Well Before Age Two
One Of Your Kids Leaves Two Freezer-Burned Bites Of Ice Cream In The Container Instead Of Throwing It Away
Your Maternity Leave Just Started And Your Boss Calls To Ask When You’ll Be Back At Work
You Have Been Up All Night With A Sick Kid And You Both Finally Fall Asleep, And The Phone Rings And Some Asshole Wants To Sell You New Windows
You Have Some Dumb Kid Over For A Sleepover And The Mom Calls The Day After To Tell You That Their Kid Has Head Lice
For The Millionth Time, Your Kid Has Left Their Legos All Over The Floor
You Work At Hobby Lobby, And You Really Want To Get Fitted For An IUD