Babies Don’t Need Spas, They Literally Do Nothing All Day

There’s such thing as a baby spa. I’m not kidding. Babies don’t need spas. They literally do nothing all day. In fact, in lieu of a massage, I would like to go somewhere where someone treats me like a baby all day. Minus the wipe my butt part, but including the swaddling, rocking, and feeding me on demand.

Float Baby in Houston, Texas is the first spa of its kind. If offers “water flotation and gentle massage” for baby.

During your session, you can expect to observe your baby enjoying the sensation and freedom of movement in the near weightless environment of purified water (20 25 minutes).

Afterward, you will be provided with a warm towel to dry your baby and begin to prepare for the infant massage instruction. Our certified infant massage instructor will lead you through some basic strokes, teaching you techniques to help relax and soothe your little one (20 25 minutes). A custom blend of organic, cold pressed oils with Vitamin E will be provided for your in store use and available for sale.

So, you pay $65 a session for your baby to float in water. Don’t worry, it’s purified. Then someone teaches you how to massage your baby. Wait, I have to do the massage? What kind of crap is this?

I’m not spending any disposable income so my baby, who does nothing, gets massaged. I would like this service better if it was more like, we will entertain your newborn while you get the massage you so rightly deserve. We’re already at the beck-and-call of these little beings 24-hours-a-day, now we have to schedule them a massage in case infant life is too stressful? No thanks.

”I don’t think there is anything special about being in the water. Crawling is easier on the floor,” Dr. Claire McCarthy, a pediatrician and medical communications editor at Boston Children’s Hospital told Today Moms.

”I don’t think this is necessary, and I think that babies can get the same health benefits from active play at home with their parents ”” with the additional bonding benefits, and for free.”

Yeah.

(photo: Twitter)