Mommyish Gift Guide: 10 Fertility And Pregnancy-Themed Etsy Christmas Gifts Of Questionable Taste

As a doula and a feminist, I have a certain fondness for knitted uteruses, vulva art and things of that nature, despite the fact that I would most likely never buy or wear any of it. But I can still look at the wealth of handmade goods in this small category (mainly on Etsy, of course) and sit back in semi-horrified but also appreciative amazement. Here are 10 sperm-y, belly-ish gifts that are definitely on the unusual end of the spectrum but might actually make a great gift for a pregnant person (or a midwife) in your life. If they have a very healthy sense of humor and sense of the absurd, that is.

Sperm And Egg TOMS, BStreet Shoes on Etsy, $149.00. For those interested in wearing a depiction of human reproduction on their feet. They’re kinda pretty, right?

Pregnant Belly Cookie Cutter, Crafty Cupcakery on Etsy, $12.00. I’ve stared and stared at this and I can’t tell how it’s supposed to be a pregnant belly?

Labia Pendant, IvithJasCreations on Etsy, $17.99. Georgia O’Keefe would be proud.

Crochet Baby Girl Announcement Ornament, Crochet Fun 2010 on Etsy, $6.00. A teeeeeny tiiiiiiiiny sperm with a little pink hat on! It’s strangely cute but also…strange.

Uterus Fanny Pack, VulvaLoveLovely on Etsy, $40.00. As the seller of this item says, the 90s are coming back.

Encapsulated Fetus Specimen Ring, Noadi on Etsy, $25.00. A great gift for a biologist?

Baby Belly And Beer Belly T-Shirts, Jellybean Apparel on Etsy, $35.00. Yeah, these exist. Yeah, I also wish they didn’t.

 Fetus Natividad Ornament, Fetopia on Etsy, $7.00. LOL a fetus for your Christmas tree.

I Created A Placenta And All I Got Was This Lousy Baby Painting, Cappysue on Etsy, $35.00. Um, whatever this is.

Pregnant Sculpture, MamAdore on Etsy, $700.00. I think I’m somewhat on board with this piece of art’s message about consumerism and women’s bodies. But hoo boy, $700.

All photos via respective retailers