Father’s Milk: One Man’s Quest To Breast-Feed

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Writers, especially those of the urban-hipster variety, are willing to go to great lengths for the sake of research (remember A.J. JacobsThe Year Of Living Biblically? The guy followed every rule in the Bible as literally as possible).

Michael Thomsen, a 33-year-old single writer based New York – he describes himself as “a cross between Carrie Bradshaw and George Costanza” – has taken first-hand reporting to a whole new level. His mission? To see if men can lactate.

“The more I learned about male lactation, the more curious I became,” he writes in Slate. “I know I can’t birth a child myself, but what I could bear one to suck at my bosom?”

So Thomsen did some research: he learned about breast tissue and prolactin. Male galactorrhea (a condition in which dudes release a milky fluid from their nipples). He even checked out what Darwin had to say on the matter (and God, too, via the Bible). Then he bought a breast pump (“The gentle upward tug of the pump was both comforting and erotic,” he offers). And herbal supplements like fenugreek extract. He drank lactation tea.

Thomsen went so far as to wake up every three hours during the night to pump (now that’s devotion!).

The end result? Zero milk. And the realization that he was missing an essential ingredient to this entire experiment: a child.

Okay, so the whole thing’s silly and satirical (based on reader comments, lots of people thought it the piece was a joke). And, yes, Thomsen probably has a bit too much time on his hands. But I have to say: kudos to this weirdo for trying! How many guys do you know who would breastfeed for fun?