Do Facial Rollers Really Do Anything?

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Now, I’ve talked about my skin care routine before, so you know that I’m not stranger to trying weird and unusual things to keep my face looking fresh, like snail goo. I’m 37 years old, after all. I’m fighting time here, people! But while I’m down with the potions and lotions and the occasional face stabbing, there are some things that even I am skeptical about. I’m not big on masks, especially ones that make me look like Buffalo Bill. I won’t spend $300 on a tiny jar of face cream, no matter how rave the reviews. But in general, I do follow skin care news, and am fascinated by the things people will do to look younger. I’m like … 5 years away from Botox, so I have a very vested interest, let’s say. So when I started hearing murmurs of facial rollers, my interest was piqued!

A jade or rose quartz stone to roll on your face? Sign me entirely the fuck up. It’s easy, it sounds lovely, and roller is quite pretty. But does rubbing a pretty stone on your face actually DO anything? Well, I guess that depends on who you ask. But you’re reading this so I’m assuming you’re asking me, and I will share my thoughts with you, friends.

Let’s get right to it: facial rollers are said to have innumerable benefits for your pretty face (yes you, you are so pretty!). One of those benefits? They’re said to reduce swelling in your face by way of lymphatic drainage.

Maybe you went to bed too late because one episode of Orange is the New Black turned into seven. Maybe you had a few too many at happy hour after you got off work. Or maybe you have kids, which needs no explanation whatsoever. No matter the reason, sometimes you wake up looking and feeling like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. It’s rude as hell. People who looooooove facial rollers say they can help reduce that swelling and puffiness in your face by moving the lymphatic fluid away from your face parts.

Here’s the thing: your body does that naturally! Your lymph system carries white blood cells and other cellular molecules to distressed areas of your body, which causes swelling. WHY the bags under my eyes are always stressed is a mystery. But anywho, once the cells do their shit, they move on! The lymph system filters out the bad stuff, and then your body does what it does and all is well. Science has studied this a-plenty, and as it turns out, massage can help reduce swelling. But you’d have to focus the massage on the areas where you have lymph nodes, like under your jaw line and outside your mouth, and the base of your nose.

So do facial rollers help with that? Ehhhhh, I don’t know. I have bags that rival an heiress traveling to Ibiza for a week under my eyes, and after almost two weeks of rolling them with my pretty jade roller, I didn’t see much improvement! Nothing that some normal facial pressure and a dab of Preparation H couldn’t fix, anyway. But, I will say, it feels really nice!

Facial rollers also claim to have anti-aging properties. LISTEN.

When something claims to be “anti-aging”, I am ALL OVER IT. Please, let me save my $800 for injections of botulism in my face for a few more years! This is why I love my Derma Roller so much, because it actually pokes tiny holes in my face through which my skin can absorb my many potions. Does it work? I think so. Does a rock on a wheel work the same way? I’m going to say … no.

Sure, massage (again, all your roller is doing is massaging your damn face) increases blood circulation, which can make it easier for your skin to suck up all that good snail serum. So maybe that’s where these fountain of youth claims stem from? If you’re just using facial rollers by themselves, you’re probably going to be disappointed. It’s not a goddamn magic rock, for fuck’s sake. The process of rolling a piece of (probably) mass-produced jade on your skin isn’t going to make you look younger. But coupled with a good lotion or potion? Entirely possible.

But the thing is, I use a Derma Roller, so any results I see are very likely from the tiny holes sucking up the snail goo, and NOT from the stone I rub on my face. So this particular selling point was a wash for me. I’ll take my hurts-so-good needle roller over the stone, any day.

Bottom line? Facial rollers don’t do … much. But, they don’t hurt! The massage you get from the roller can have some nice benefits, if that’s all you do. I wouldn’t hedge my bets on one, though. In the fight against wrinkles and aging, you’re going to want a full arsenal. The facial roller can serve as a nice back-up.

(Image: Facebook / Generics Eshop)