Childrearing

Attachment Parents Really Think They Are Doing It Better Than Everyone Else

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Christian has a friend, Bethany, who is also a mom of a son about the same age as Eleanor. She works full time, formula feeds, and vaccinates her kids — so her lifestyle is basically Christian’s kryptonite. Christian basically spends the entire show non-stop judging her friend and making it really clear she thinks her AP parenting style is superior. She also makes it really clear that she actually thinks she loves her child more (as evidenced by her parenting style), but we’ll return to that later. She somehow convinces Bethany to come to her AP parenting group, where a whole mess of crazy is unleashed. Here are a few select quotes from a variety of the smug AP moms:

“No child wants to pee and sit in a diaper.”

“I’m very much against vaccinations. I would much rather expose my daughter to Chicken Pox in the most natural way than take the risk of the vaccination with all of the ingredients that are in them.”

“I’m more comfortable with pumping up my child’s immune system, than injecting a bunch of chemicals in her body.” YES EVERYONE! BREAST MILK CURES POLIO NOW. OH, WAIT. NO IT DOESN’T.

Poor Bethany says she doesn’t breastfeed, so since her child is not getting her natural immunities she asks what her options for preventing vaccine-preventable diseases? The answer is obviously “vaccines,” but one of the moms chimes in something about boiling a chicken carcass, and everyone nods in agreement. So I guess these women think chicken soup prevents measles? Of course. Duh. Why didn’t I think of that.

Now all the AP moms start to wax poetic about chicken pox and how much fun it was, at which point I down my glass of wine.

Cut to baby yoga class, where Christian goes on a diatribe about moms and iPhones and how they need to put their phones down and stare at their child. Then she takes her kid’s diaper off in the middle of class and sets her naked butt on a towel on her arm. The woman next to her gives her a weird look, because taking your diaper off your child in the middle of baby yoga is totally weird. Now she’s breastfeeding her naked baby while doing yoga, because why not?

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