These Jeans Make Me Feel Older Than I Ever Have in My Life

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Serious question: what the hell is wrong with people? Specifically people in the fashion world. Like, what happens in their brains to make them think, hey you know what the world needs? See-through jeans! Or jeans with plastic windows on the knees! Who the hell comes up with this shit?! I really thought the plastic jeans would be the worst of it. But then clothing company Carmar was all, hold my ugly-ass beer. I present to you, dear readers, the worst fashion take so far this year: extreme cut out jeans. Calgon, take me away.

Extreme cut out jeans are sort of misleading. The name implies that they’re actual pants, but there is not enough fabric for them to be considered an item of clothing.

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According to the Carmar website, the extreme cut out pant is “high rise pant with large statement cutouts on front and back.” LARGE. STATEMENT. CUTOUTS. I’m sorry, but no. No, and fuck you. Those are not pants. Those aren’t even a pair-of-pants-turned-house-rag. Those are what happens when you drop your pants into a tree chopper. These jeans are what happen when Edward Scissorhands gets super drunk and is like, don’t worry I can see just fine! These hideous jeans are a lot of things, but they are in no way, shape, or fucking form a pair of pants.

Initially, when I saw this I thought, OK, this company is obviously trying to rustle up some PR, these aren’t actually a thing they sell. But then I checked the website. This abomination retailed for ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT FUCKING DOLLARS. And? They’re sold out.

In all fairness, Coachella just wrapped up a couple of weeks ago, so I’m sure the extreme cut out jeans were snapped up by a much of festival hipster youths. It’s true what they say: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Thank god age has ruined my vision.

(Image: Carmar)