Childrearing

Everyone Should Copy This Dad’s Hilarious ‘Dog Contract’

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(Via Giphy)

Becoming a parent changes a person in a lot of expected and unexpected ways. I was expecting physical changes, but I was not expecting to suddenly start caring about things like standing up straight or not spoiling dinner, and now I care about those things a whole lot. The biggest change, though, was that as soon as I came home with the baby, I looked up and realized that for the first time in my entire life, I did not want a dog.

I have been wanting and asking for a dog since at least as long as I can remember, and my parents forbid it on the grounds of allergies. Landlords forbid it on the grounds that they were landlords and landlords hate dogs. But for as long as I can remember having thoughts, I have wanted a dog. But then I came home with my newborn, sat down on the couch, and suddenly realized that for the first time in my life, I actively did not want a dog. If someone had shown up and asked me if I would take an adorable unwanted puppy, I would have laughed in that person’s face. No I didn’t want a puppy. I had a house full of needy, demanding, messy human beings requiring that I take care of all their physical and emotional needs. I did not want a dog in there to be smelly and hairy and also having emotional and physical needs. And I did not for a minute believe that if we got a dog I would not be responsible for 100 percent of its care.

I still love dogs, I just don’t want to own one myself, which is why I really sympathize with the reluctant father on Reddit who submitted a hilarious “Family Dog Contract” to his kids, who were demanding to be given a dog.

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(Via Imgur) 

I love everything about this. Especially:

“The dog is never referred to as a child or sibling. All parties agree that the dog is a dog.”

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“If the dog makes any sort of mess inside the house and new-age cleaning treatments prove ineffective, harmful chemicals will be allowed in an effort to eliminate stains and/or odors.”

“The kids promise to never fall out of love with the dog or get bored of it. All parties agree that the dog is primarily the kids’ responsibility for its entire life.”

Now that last one is just good sense. Everyone should have to sign that contract, even adults.

Lest anyone worry that some grumpy dog-hater is now in possession of a dog, it turns out that once the dog contract was signed by all children, a friendly, housebroken, non-shedding white dog was adopted. He weighs 15 pounds, but the weight requirement was adjusted because the dog was that awesome. The dad loves the dog just as much as the kids do, but the kids are thus far holding up their end of the bargain.

I’m printing this dog contract out myself. Someday I’ll be a person who wants a dog again, and I think this will come in handy then.

H/T Scary Mommy