motherhood

How To Embarrass Your Kids In 10 Easy Steps

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Kids are always humiliated by their parents — they always have been and they always will be. And if you are a parent like my mother is and like I am, you relish this. My mother’s favorite move was to start singing and dancing to whatever oldies music was playing in the grocery store. I know, right? It was awful. Which is why I plan to do the same thing to my children. The difference is that I will be awesome, because I will be dancing to the Beastie Boys and I am going to look damn good doing it. So suck on it, kids.

Here is how you should play this, because our kids kinda deserve this, don’t they?

1. While shopping for groceries, “Baby Got Back” starts playing over the loud speakers.

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2. Start nodding your head.

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3. Add in a little bounce.

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4. Now it’s time to sway.

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5. Important! Do not make eye contact with your child yet. So far, it’s just you in your world of groove.

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6. Bring on the soundtrack. Start to hum.

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7. Throw in some awesome moves.

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9. Now lock eyes with your red-faced child as you prepare for the finale.

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10. And now dance, my fluffy kittens. Dance like it’s 1992 and your worst years are still ahead of you. Your children will be ashamed, but it will be shame tinged with awe.

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Trust me. You’re going to kill it.