7 Reasons You’re Not Going To Get Ebola, So STFU With Your Fear Mongering

I’m sure I am not alone when I say that I had to hide some people in my Facebook feed over the last week. I am so very tired of reading all about how panicked we should be about Ebola when common sense and a wealth of information tells us we really have nothing to worry about. Living where we live and the CDC knowing what they know is basically a guarantee we won’t need to be concerned about getting Ebola because most of us do not do anything that puts us at risk.

This is not stopping many Americans from freaking out for absolutely no reason and saying some of the stupidest things I’ve heard in my 32 years on this planet. No, you will not get Ebola because a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-cousin happened to travel to an African country other than Liberia within the last month. No, you will not get Ebola because someone flew on a plane that maybe last week had someone on it that knew someone who lived in Dallas. No, you will not get Ebola from terrorists using it as a biological weapon. I really can’t anymore with all of the stupidity. I’ve come up with a list of seven reasons you’re not going to get Ebola so please, God, PLEASE, STFU with the fear mongering.

1. You Don’t Live In Liberia

Congratulations! You live in America where more people have dated Taylor Swift than have contracted Ebola. You are pretty much set but in case you needed more reassurance, I can tell you that basically everyone who is dying from Ebola lives in Liberia and……

2. You Don’t Live In Sierra Leone, Guinea, West Africa Or Africa, PERIOD

Those are the other countries where Ebola has spread this year. None of them are America, or even on our continent. STOP already with the silly talk.

3. You Don’t Do Snow Angels In Other People’s Ebola-Infected Bodily Fluids

Nor do you even get near them! Seeing as the only cases of Americans contracting Ebola have been healthcare workers who actually TOUCHED an Ebola victim or people who went to Liberia to assist with the Ebola crisis, I’d say we are all pretty effing safe.

4. You’re Not A Healthcare Worker Touching People Who Have Ebola

Because it bears repeating: the ONLY people who have contracted this disease IN AMERICA are nurses who physically cared for Thomas Eric Duncan, the Liberian national who succumbed to the illness earlier this month.

5. The Quarantine For People Who Were In Contact With Eric Duncan Is Ending 

And none of them contracted the disease. Not a single one. Even his fiancee is almost in the clear. Yes, someone who was in close proximity to him in the same apartment STILL did not get sick. I think that means none of us will either.

6. You Have Not Consumed Any “Bushmeat” Or Bat Soup

Great news! You eat meat from your local grocery store. People in West Africa may eat meat of animals caught in the wild. These animals and bats are thought to be causes of transmission of the illness in Africa.

7. You Have Not Rubbed Up On The Bodies Of People Who Died Of Ebola

Another way the disease is thought to be spreading in West Africa is by family and friends of the dead victims following tradition and touching or kissing the still-contagious bodies of their family members during funeral services. Pretty sure that is not going to happen stateside!

So there you have it. Not exactly the most scientific breakdown, but a pretty sensible look at all the reasons why we should calm the hell down about Ebola. May I add that if America is so concerned about the Ebola plight, maybe we should put our money where our mouth is. There is a serious lack of charitable giving for Ebola-ravaged parts of the world where donations would be put to good use to help stop this disease where it is actually spreading. The focus should be on how to stop Ebola worldwide and the fact that thousands in West Africa have already died. Not on the 1 in 100 million chance that an everyday American citizen is going to catch it.

(Image: PixFly/Shutterstock)