The Lazy Mom’s Guide To Sexing Up Valentine’s Day
It’s not that you don’t want to have the sex on Valentine’s day, you do, it’s just that you don’t know how to make the night memorable without planning an elaborate date or bringing strange toys into the bedroom. I would high-five you in solidarity, if I wasn’t so comfy on this couch. These easy ways to make Valentine’s Day sexy will make you look like you’ve put in tons of thought and effort while doing practically nothing at all.
1. Wear your oldest yoga pants
if they’re anything like mine, they’ve got a few holes in them, so your partner gets a peep show while you get to stay comfortable.
2. Have a threesome, kinda
One of the worst part’s of Valentine’s Day is the ritual of grooming the playing field, if you catch my drift. At best, it takes a long time and at worst it both takes forever and causes excruciating pain. Consider doing only half the of work down there and tell your partner that it’s for them to enjoy a variety of sensations, because you’re a giver.
3. Have sex with the lights off
Not rocking the body confidence but you still want to get busy? Just whisper “Love is blind” before you get started in your best sexy temptress voice and they will think it’s oh so special.
4. Have sex with the lights on
They will think you’re being spontaneous and fun, but really it’s because the switch is all the way across the room and you don’t feel like getting up.
5. Invent a love language
The kids are screaming so loudly that you can’t hear yourself think, let alone understand a word of how your partner’s day was. Instead of communicating via Facebook per usual, say it with a conversational heart.
6. Nipple tassels
Searching for a way to spice it up but hate everything about shopping at Victoria’s Secret? Try nipple tassels for a look that seems scandalous but is actually a sneaky way to get out of having to wear a bra.
7. Do it in the shower
It’s slippery, it’s steamy and killing two birds with one stone like this will get you in bed and streaming The Fall that much faster.
8. Skip the shower
Bedhead is sexy right? Better skip the hairbrush too, after all, you want to look your best.
9. Have tapas
I’m not talking about cooking an entire meal after the four you’ve already prepared for the night (the one for you and your partner, the one for the kids, the sandwich you made when one child didn’t want their dinner and the cereal you dispersed as a last resort because you had no fight left in you and at least it’s fortified) but those left over nuggets and mac and cheese will make excellent nibbles. Pour some grown up drinks, put on any song that isn’t Old McDonald and grab a spoon.
10. Eat dinner in bed
I’m not talking about ice cream sundaes or something messy. But a pizza? Lounging while I eat and not having to do dishes goes firmly in the “Turn Ons” column.
(image: Ocsi Balazs/Shutterstock.com)
