The Duggars Should Never Give Sexy-Time Advice Because They Are The Opposite Of Sexy

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Duggar family - Woodbridge, VAThere’s nothing more sexy than someone with 19 kids telling you how to keep your relationship hot. Wait, yes there is; just about anything is sexier than that. The thought of being pregnant for 20 years pretty much fuses my vulva and forms and impenetrable fortress. See, that’s not sexy.

It’s one of the mysteries of large families like the Duggars, of TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting” fame: How do they do it?

Not how do they manage that many kids, though that’s a good question, too. But how do they do IT?

Once you have, say, 10 children, how on earth do you find the energy and motivation to make kids 11-19?

I’m assuming they live in a mansion with a fortress of solitude – because we can barely find time when a child is not beckoning us, and we only have two kids. How do they do it? Here’s some advice Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar shared with Today Moms.

Say yes to sex, even when you’re tired.

Be available. Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls.

“You always have to be available when he calls.” Ew. Haven’t these people ever heard of porn?

 But give it a rest sometimes.

It’s not all sexytime at the Duggars. They abstain when Michelle has her period, and also after childbirth: 80 days before sex if it’s a girl, 40 days after a boy.

My vagina just fused shut again.

Treat your wife like a queen.

Jim Bob seems to put Michelle on a pedestal…

Well he should. Need I mention this woman has spent 20 years pregnant, basically repopulating their town with his seed.

There are a few more tips about having an open heart, not being a perfectionist and blah, blah, blah. Then we get to …

Make time for date night.

Michelle and Jim Bob go out, just the two of them, every Saturday night.

Easy for them to say. They basically have their own built-in babysitting army.

I don’t know, maybe I should take sex advice from Michelle. The fact that she’s given birth 19 times and still even wants to have sex is definitely a testament that whatever they are doing to keep it hot is working. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

(photo: Getty Images)